"Face Frying" - 2+ Weeks and Counting

I have lips again. Mobile, pink - not red, lips. Oh, and they're not sore anymore either. And...I can drink out of a big girl cup again.
No straws. No siree. This girl is drinking without dribbling and even ice cubes don't faze her. Whoo hoo.
Not only that, but I am wearing lip gloss. Shiny pinkish with aloe and moisturisers. I look spiffy.
Sorta.
The face still has a way to go.
There's a redness that hasn't faded, especially around the eyes. But I'm very much improved from recent time past. And the makeup I now have, it covers the redness quite well. I just use a brush and puff it on gently and there we are. Then a very light pink blush to keep from being too flat an affect.
Well, I almost look normal after a little work. I have to do the eyes, of course. And then there's the lips.
A soft, glorious, glossy, mauvey pink color painted on. Within the edges. No going outside with liner anymore.
I love it. I haven't worn gloss like this in forever.
I haven't the foggiest if this will last. Haven't a clue. I just figure I'll enjoy it while I can. One must take what one can get. I shall; with hands out stretched and with a smile.
And on the 14th of the New Year, I'll traipse back into the Doc's domain and let him have a look see. He'll go over his handy work; grade it; and decide what else - if anything; should be done. Photographs will be taken.
Maybe there will be some before and after shots I can post.
I'm not sure how to do it, but if possible, I might just give it a go.
We shall have to see. I'm not a computer guru and I'd hate to bite off more than I can chew.
I might bruise my new lips.
OnceAgain

"Face" Frying - A Week Out Plus Some

It's been a week and a day since the "Face" fry.
I can already see some significant changes. The AKs that were lurking are gone. Yep, burnt up, vaporized, zapped, and sent to wherever they go when sent to AK hell. As a bonus, a lot of little lines are much "littler" now. Yiiiippppeeee!!!! And I've gained controlled over my upper lip. The bottom lip is still doing it's own thing, but the upper lip is much more obedient. I'm no longer lisping quite as bad as I was when I talk. That of course came with a minus, I can eat better now. I actually was able to eat a biscuit this morning by tearing it into small pieces and feeding it to myself. Gonna have to watch that. Drat it. When I win, I still lose.
But here is the real click. I have blephrospasms - eye tics. Actually have to be injected with meds to keep them under control. And I had started to get another twitch/tic by the side of face. It comes and goes, usually 3 - 4 times a week. I haven't had it once since I've had the "fat grafts" injected in that area. My theory: the skin was lifted and/or disrupted enough to disturb those twitchy nerves. Well, at least for a while. After all, they found that migraine sufferers that had had face lifts, experienced decreased headaches both in intensity and numbers after their surgeries. I am so signing up for that study if I can ever find an opening. Or a study. Or some mad scientist that wants to try and do a face lift-migraine-Igor experiment thingiebobber.
In the meantime, I'm taking all this one day at a time. After all, that's about all I can do. Until this all heals, I'm definitely not "biting" off more than I can chew.
OnceAgain

Face "Frying" - Lasered

It's done.
Yep. Thursday morning, around 0730, I rolled into the OR and the face got fried.
Of course I don't remember much after the "bump" of Versed they gave me. But I do remember waking up and getting dressed and coming home.
Then it was sleep off and on. And that's been it for the past 2 days.
Of the pain I was told to expect; there really hasn't been any. I've only had discomfort when I've washed my face. Only when the air has hit the skin that's exposed. That nips a bit. Then I get an almost frantic feeling to put on the ointment that soothes everything.
I splurged, if you will, on fat grafts. Decided if I was going to do this, I might as well get something out of it. So I let the Doc fill in some spots with fat grafted from other parts of the old bod. Hell, I even offered to donate some extra for the skinny patients I seen hanging around his office.
He thought that was amusing. Oh, and he declined the "generous" offer.
Rats.
Well, I didn't know until right before I rolled in that the grafts would make me look like a puffer fish. I mean really look like a puffer fish.
You should see my lips.
Should; but won't.
They are HUGE. And this is after some of the swelling has gone down.
At least today, I have some mobility. The 1st day, I couldn't move my mouth. 2nd day, a little better. Today, I can smile, but it's wop sided. And they feel very tight and dry.
And with the grafts came an "oopsy."
You drool with them apparently. And I did. Soft foods only, and still hard to eat. I dribbled some and when I dabbed, I lost the skin on either lower side of my chin. And didn't know it because I was numb. Now there's a bit of drainage. Serous in type, and clear that I'm having to watch the area very carefully. And yes, I could scar there. But, there you are.
There are risks in everything. And I knew it.
And now I'm peeling too fast. So they are worried about that.
What can I say. I always peeled badly with sunburns. And this is supposed to be like a real bad burn. So there you are.
And the Nurse that calls to check on me has given me different directions that the one that talked to me pre-op, so I'm bumbling along. Pre-op said I'd peel by this weekend and Check-up said I shouldn't peel until Monday.
Well, I go in Monday for them to check my stitches and I guess I'll find out then.
All Hell will break loose or not.
I'll keep you informed. Right now, it's time to closed the old eyes. For some reason, I'm really tired.
So for now; I'm done.
OnceAgain

It's Quiet on the "Western" Front

The 2nd batch of Grandest kids left about noon today.
The 1st batch, 3 strong came just before Thanksgiving. And this batch; came just after. We had 2 visits back to back!
I've got my house in order; the cat has reappeared from ... where ever it is he goes when little feet are pounding about here; and it's much too quiet. I can hear every creak and groan this place makes as the wind whips about.
It's getting colder. And I feel it. The house has lost some of its warmth and not just from the change in the weather.
Children bring energy and light to a place. They heat an area up. Of course that may be due to the fact you're running your butt off chasing them. Whatever the cause, I'll take it.
If only for a little while. And then I'll fall into a sore and limping heap to miss them dearly again until the next time they burst onto the scene to wrap me around their grimey little fingers and entwine me into their grubby little hearts.
Ain't nothin' like 'em.
I knew love when their parents came into my life, but then here they came and I knew something so much more. So very much more.
And so I've got the TV on for back ground noise as the last of the laundry dries. It helps to break up the silence. I should probably turn it to the Disney Channel or something.
But I'm trying to break myself from the sound of children's voices. From the sound of children's giggles and mischief as they go about their business of exploring and delving into crooks and crannies.
I'm trying to wear myself out completely, so when I fall into the bed, I'll welcome the too too quiet of a suddenly empty house.
OnceAgain

Face "Frying" - Step 2

We continue....
T'was a week ago now. And I'm still reaping the "benefits" of my pre-op peel.
Never mind that I tried to beg off because I argued that I wasn't doing this for cosmetic purposes. Oh, no. It must, this path I've chosen, be followed still, to the letter. So like a good little trooper in I did go.
Hi ho; hi ho.
Silly me, I thought it would be like one of those spa do-hickey-ma-dodgers. All facial rubs and warmth and feel good stuff to fluff up your face and make it just glow like a baby's.
Nope.
They use real chemicals and things.
Ever seen "Sex and the City?" The one where Samantha gets a peel and winds up in the widow's get up at Carrie's book signing?
I wasn't quite that red. But I pinked up real good. Yes indeedie.
And here I am 7 days out still peeling like a bad sunburn.
I tried that facial "light scrub" wash 2 days out and that was such a no go. I got so sore and stingy, I actually patted my face down with olive oil. Extra virgin of course. Only the best. Very soothing. I called and told on myself and was told it was OK. Good stuff to use actually.
And all that other "stuff."
I'm told that this is perfectly normal for those of us with sensitive skin. It means I should respond to the CO2 quite well.
In other words, I'll burn but good.
I'm just thrilled. Truly. You should see me. Doin' the Tom Cruise jump on the couch even as I type.
Bunga bunga.
Next step is the real deal. Don't expect a posting until 48 hrs. post-op at the earliest. I intend to actually use the drugs they give me this time.
Never've had to before. Always been the tough guy; er gal. But, I've a feeling, oh, that there'll be lots of feeling.
So until that one. I'm just gonna leave the subject be and sit here and flake. Sifty little flakes, as I peel away.
OnceAgain

Face "Frying" - The Journey Begins

This is the story of my "Face Fry."
The Beginning.
I have been fighting "AK's" (precancers) and a basal skin cancer or 2; OK 3; for a little over a year now. They've been running rampant merrily across my face and up and down my jawline having their way.
Doc Amy has been freezing them and slicing them away as needed.
Yes; it hurts; some worse than others. But all sting or pain as removed or ended. And yes, there's something about having your face being attacked in bits and pieces that is upsetting. I'm not a beauty queen by any stretch of the imagination, but I have what I have and I'd dearly like to keep it.
So; I started my research. And with my Doc's approval; I'm having a CO2 laser procedure in Dec.
Hence the "face fry."
Yep; I'll wake up - they put you out - with the WORST sunburn of my life. But; I'll also be pretty much precancer and hence cancer free for 4-5 years. Of course, my insurance company begs to differ as they see this as purely cosmetic. They don't believe the STATS and Studies. Or don't care or it's an excuse to get out of even paying just a little bit.
Screw them; I'll pay for it. I'm not gonna go around looking like a patchwork quilt if it's preventable.
If it weren't or if I'd been in an accident, then there's that. But this; I can do a preemptive strike.
And so I will.
So on the Oct 30th, in I went for the 1st of my app'ts to learn how to pretreat my skin.
Because, I'm going to a Plastic Surgeon, they want me to go thru all the gobbledy gook of doing this and that to make my skin amiable to the Fry.
I just want to get it over with and get back on to getting back on.
I hate hurting and staying indoors and following orders. As it were.
And there are so many.
But I'm on my way.
And as Doc Amy has already spotted some new AK's roiling up, it will be none to soon. She won't do anything with these areas as they won't have time to heal up before the Fry. But since they're only AK's; I've time.
And I'm dutifully following my Plastics orders. In a way, it's nice to pamper myself with these lotions and creams. I've a feeling if I'd done this earlier in my life; I'd not be in this spot - with these spots.
Oh, and stayed out of the sun.
Maybe I'll post some pics after. Depends. I've seen a couple. Nearly backed out when I saw those 24 hr. after shots.
They volunteered for that? Sheesh. Those women are braver than me.
So; that's the start. Next I go in for some kind of prep. Then it's the real deal. And then I'm out of circulation for 14 days. And then back out.
And the irony of this whole thing, is that most of it is due to days when I, in the blissful ignorance of youth, fried myself in the sun.
Who knew I'd be paying for it after all these years.
OnceAgain

A Birthday Gift

This is a letter, I wrote to my Daughters shortly after THE EVENT....
Sorry if I've been remiss with contacting all lately. It's been crazy. No; truly crazy. And this time it wasn't me or my antics. My Hospital had a big shake-up and the Cardiovascular program went down the tubes; literally.
We have been experiencing low census North Alabama wide for about 4 months now in all Hospitals. I actually heard that that is true in most of the Southeast. But, none the less, because of that, and the fact that I am PRN - as needed, I had been "floated" to CIC for the past 5 weeks.
CIC is short 2 night nurses and I was glad to help and glad to get to work. Heck, it's basically the same kind of work except they don't go as far to crack the patients chest. So no biggy there.
Anywho, I bebopped into work last Saturday night; went to my locker to get my stuff; then into the Unit 'cause I needed a form I have to have each time I work on a different Unit than CVPCU. And the Unit was pitch black. I just figured; low census; everyone on call until they get a patient.
So I come out the doors to clock in and meet Debra the night Supervisor; and make a remark about, "wow, census is REALLY low."
She looks at me and goes, you don't know do you? And I'm blank. It must show on my face, 'cause she asks if I got an e-mail or phone call and I ask about what? And she put her arm around my shoulder, told me to clock in, and starts walking me towards the elevator. And proceeds to tell me how last Thursday.....the powers-that-be walked into the Units and told the Staff to prepare the patients for transfer to other Units.
Then the Staff was briefed on their immediate severance from the Hospital and the "packages" to follow. To include Barry, our Supervisor.
I got lucky. When I got to CIC, the girls informed me I'd been "adopted." They liked my work, my ethic, all that good junk. Terri, CIC Supervisor, was already putting paperwork in to get me transferred to be their PRN. Robin had filled me in on the Nov. schedule and they all said they'd leave if I didn't get to stay and CIC is the last step down Unit left.
Like I said; I got lucky. I only cried a little 'cause we had to take report and get going. But, it was the weirdest night.
And at midnight - I turned 55. So I sorta got a nice birthday present. I got to keep my job.
But, 29 of my friends didn't. And that just sucks, you know?
So I spent Sunday, after shift, with a headache; migraine actually. Figures.
Monday; I had to go to HR and do paperwork and stuff for the transfer. And I saw Barry and he talked to me for 2 hours about this and how worried he is about everyone, and all that went down. Apologized to not getting in touch with me. He had to go sign his divorce papers the next day after all this happened and he got side tracked. He was looking bad, actually. And I hate this for him. He has been an outstanding Supervisor and is a fine young man.
Tuesday; I got on line and the phone and got info on 5 Hospitals around here; Dialysis Clinics; Home Health; Hospice; The Heart Center and some other places and 5 Travel Companies and did some computer printouts.
Wednesday morning I went to THE Meeting for the CV people and gave out the info and gave out my business cards so I could be used as a reference. Wednesday night it was back to work.
The CNO was glaring at me at the meeting. 'Cause part of her speech was if they could wait for 5-6 weeks "something" at DGH my open back up for them.
?! People have bills woman.
I've managed to help 2 people actually get jobs and 2 get interviews. And 3 have good leads; I'm hopeful for them.
Update: All this was the week of October 19th thru 25. Today is November 10. And I've been working my new job; networking and assisting the CV Gang; childproofing the house for an extraordinary Grandestson who'll be visiting soon and getting ready for an elective outpatient "minor" procedure.
I've been pretty much running myself ragged actually. And it's showing. I haven't slept well. Some really bad dreams; a few involving and about the Old Gang. Janis called it a form of survivor's guilt. All I know is, they're pretty bad and I don't care for them.
But that's the update and I hope to do better.
After all; my wedding anniversary is coming up. Can't wait to see what that holds.
OnceAgain

Higher Power Gifts

There is a saying that God looks after fools and children.
It would seem so. At least to me. I certainly felt like I needed someone to look after me.
This past schedule there was there weren't very many "nights" for me. Three exactly. Not much there to help out with the old pocket book. I was about in despair.
And then I found out one of the other Units needed help with Staffing. Lots of help it turned out.
Hallelujah!
Even on the nights, I was scheduled on my Units and would have been called off, I was "pulled" to that said Unit and asked to help out.
Translation: I got to go to work. And pull my shifts and be with patients and do my work.
And I was a good girl about it. Checked with my Boss and followed protocols and all the good stuff you're supposed to do before "loaning" yourself out.
And now I've got a new gig. I'll be working PRN for 2 Units. Which happily means double the chances at getting my hours in per pay period, even during low census.
So in a matter of a week, from despair to elation.
Funny. No. Lucky. Yes.
Blessed. Better.
And if God does indeed look after fools and children? Then I'm very thankful, He looks after this childish fool.
OnceAgain

All Alone

My Hubby's out of town. And I'm batching it for another day. And I'm gonna miss it.
That's terrible isn't it?
At least according to the "youngsters" at work. The older gang I run with is filled with ladies who understand.
They've been married a bit longer and so have a bit more experience in the closeness department.
Age brings the we-don't-need-to be-joined-at-the hip attitude. Oh, it brings something far from it. It brings the why-don't-you-take-that-out-of-town-assignment-and-bring-me-something-pretty attitude. And it brings it more and more as the years climb.
Or at least it does among us old Military wife types. We're used to having the Dudes out and about for long periods of time. When they're around too much, we get a bit too itchy or something.
It's nice to .... miss them once and a while.
Puts the spice back into the equation.
And gives us that precious time to ourselves.
Take me, for instance.
Hubs left Wednesday. I came home from the night shift and got sleep and then was up to do my thing. No one to disturb my plans. I did not one thing that night, but watch the TV shows I wanted.
Yes, I held the remote. I had the POWER! WOOHOO!
Got Thursday night off due to low patient population and spent Friday on appointments without being dead tired. Got home when I wanted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah; I shopped some.
Friday night met the Herd at the watering hole for a while.
Saturday, worked on My projects and watched CHICK FLICKS.
Today, doing what I want to while my back recovers from yesterday's projects.
In other words, I've done what I damn well have pleased and most of it in my pajamas.
But, the Princess turns back into Cinderella tomorrow about 1800.
Rats.
I've missed my man. But, 'tis been nice, nice to have control over all the space and gadgets. Plus all the DVDs. I've almost gotten half way finished with my chick flicks. And he'll be back before Sex and The City is out; 9/23/08. What's a girl to do?
I'm guessing after he's been back about 3-5 weeks; mmmaaayyybbbeee a little longer. I'll be going, "Honey, did the Boss mention the next time you we're going to have to be outa town? I'm needing something pretty."
OnceAgain

Day and Night

I have had the weirdest day. Or weirdest "night." I'm not really sure. Things get all discombobulated when you work the night shift. Day is night and night is day; relatively speaking. And sometimes, they're both?Last "day," we slogged our way through a hard shift and then it was home again. Thank goodness, my daughter called to chat. She helped keep me awake on the drive. Well, that and having the air conditioner down to 68 degrees.
Of course, once I got home and got the pets settled; I woke up. Wired. Could not get my self back in the sleep mode.
Absolutely, freaking great.
So I was up until about 11:00 AM. Then it hit. Fatigue. Exhaustion. One minute, I was working around the house, and the next, I could barely function. I felt liked I'd had a ton of the proverbial bricks land on me.
I let the pets out for one last quick romp and crashed.
And then it was 5:45. PM. And I woke up and I was completely disoriented.
Apparently, while I was "sleeping," I'd gotten up at some point and let the pets out, there was the tell; tell sign of Peaches' chew toy in the living area - she'd taken that out earlier. And they weren't dancing with the "urge" at the patio door. Sooo....
They got the usual light evening snack and let out again. I answered the phone call from Hubskins - he's on a business trip at the moment. But, I kept feeling like I had done some of it before.
I must've dreamed I had done this all or something, but it was like I was walking through the evening for the second time.
And I must say it was a bit disconcerting. Especially the part about not remembering letting the pets out.
Scary, huh? I'm wondering if maybe I did a bit of sleep walking. Which hasn't happened in......years?
Several times in my life; I've slept walked. And each time; I was in the throes of complete exhaustion. It was like I was so tired that even in sleep; I still couldn't completely "shut off." I would have to sleep walk and then I'd be okay after that bout was out of my system.
But the last time was 10-12 years ago.
I guess, I figured I'd outgrown it. Of course that was also that last time I worked the night shift, too. Oh, well.
Good news. The doors were locked, the cars were where they'd been parked before, I was still in my PJ's, so all was safe and sound.
Oh; and the dishwasher was unloaded. And...the washer had a load of clothes in it.
I hadn't done that before I'd gone to bed.
I don't remember doing that either. But, I guess if I'm going to have the rare bout of sleep walking; I should try and throw housekeeping and cleaning in there if I can.
Or maybe, I should just try lying down before I hit the wall and exhaust myself after a hard shift.
I'm so freaking stubborn. I make mules look like pushovers. That's probably not too good. But, I have just always got to go until I drop. Which is a bone of contention with me and Hubskins. He's always on me about burning the candle at both ends, etc.
However, this sorta threw me a new one. This was spooky, scary. I'm a bit too; let's use the word mature; for this type of escapade. And I shudder to think what would have happened if I'd decided I had to have a new pair of shoes or something.
It's one thing to take medicine and go off the deep end; but to do this because you choose to stay up past your bedtime is STUPID!
I quit.
So I figure; next time, I'll just lay down and read a book or something. Housework can wait. And maybe; I'll throw the key rings somewhere other than the hooks they normally hang on; just in case. Instead of figuring since while I'm wired, I'll make use of the time; maybe I'll blow it on a relaxing bath.
But whatever else happens; the next time I come home from a hard day's night as the Beetle's song goes; I'm turning it into a night of sleep.
OnceAgain

Bread and Circuses

I sat watching the news this morning and wondered if a prophesy I'd made a few years back was finally coming to fruition.
The Roman Empire is falling yet again.
Only this time, "we be it."
Merrill Lynch has been sold for pennies on the dollar. Lehman is sinking like the Titanic; taking thousands of poor souls' finances with her.
Ah, 'tis Doomsday; according to the naysayers.
And my friends are glaring at me because I shot my mouth off about some stuff and have continued to do so when I'm in a mood.
But, hey; it's all there for the World to see.
We overpay our Gladiators. We meet in huge arenas and boo and hiss or cheer wildly depending on our whim against or for our chosen stars. We worship insipid, insignificant stage strutter's. Our morals and ethics are in the toilet. We tax the middle class to death to support the teaming masses of poor and expect nothing of said poor and in fact continue in some cases, to tamp them down.
AND, I'm gonna get bashed for this one, we can not control our borders or laws and have become weak and ineffectual in today's World and World matters.
The United States is ripe for the plucking.
And the Muslim terrorists are idiots. All they have to do is wait for a decade or so and save up their monies and they can buy us up and do what they will.
Instead it will probably be the other Arabic Nations or Japan or China who owns us before long. Or has bought most of the Politicians that wield the real power.
Oh yeah, I'm chatting here about Congress.
The President can veto all he wants, some of the Bills will slip through, if only as pork.
So sit back and enjoy the ride; friends. There's a wind stirring and it's hot and dry. Not a bit of moisture to be found for the parched lips of the Citizens in this Country that thirst for the "way things used to be."
You know what I mean. When this Country was something more than a spectacle of bread and circuses. More than wanton excesses of a People that thought they were owed everything and had to give back nothing.
Back when the USA was on sure footing and my friends weren't glaring at me for the things I said.
OnceAgain

Halos

It was the start of my shift. And in that very moment, that instant; I knew; I was in the presence of another halo.
Some people, I'm told, think halos are glowing auras of light that surround the heads of mystical; ethereal figures. But, I don't. I had come to the belief that they were usually curls upon the heads of my patients.
Sometimes in my earlier career days, they were blonde and wispy, or darker and thick. They were on the heads of infants or small children. Precious, beautiful and perfect; no matter the age of their "gestation." Too soon born, or too soon to leave this world.
I could not stay in that area of Nursing. I was not that strong, not that giving. It brought me to my knees and rendered me a lesser person. I left a piece of myself not yet found back there; in that place. My heart? My soul? I don't know; I'm was and am too afraid to look.
With the aged, I've found the pain, of watching the halos on the pillows grow; difficult. It was no easier. There really was no respite. Even there, I've watched the halos grow; white or gray curls turning tighter; reflecting the grief of the Families involved.
So I've concentrated mightily on the comfort of the life left in the room. I've tried to lose myself in the fight, forget what I've felt and concentrate on the tasks at hand.
She was, my patient, losing the struggle with her war, fiercely fighting, but tiring, beginning to slow. Now, she could not find that position of comfort. Her voice testy, restless, moving, settling, moving again.
So I helped her move, plumped pillows for support. Medication for assist of breathing, gentle rubs to shoulders. A Daughter at bedside, "would it help if I rubbed her shoulders?"
"Of course. Whatever you can do that she likes."
I tried to smile; to encourage; to allay the fears in these last hours. Before I left the room to check on another patient, I hugged her. Not the patient; she slept at long last. But the Daughter.
We held each other for a long moment. Comrades in a losing war, but holding the trenches in comfort. Together we held the ground; if only for that moment. Rest, I told her. I'd be back in just a moment. Close your eyes, if only for 5 minutes.
And so she did.
And so it went throughout the night. Two steps back, one step forward. We lost ground, but our patient was safe. And we kept her comfortable. As comfortable as we humanly could. And together we plotted to make things better. How to arrange her meds, her bed, her routine, what tests to fore go. I wrote a long note (letter?) to the Doctor expressing concerns and requests for my patient.
And I watched as she curled, tighter and tighter. But, I had to try. If those were indeed to be her last hours; or days; she deserved care and concern and tenderness.
And my shift ground to a halt.
I went into the room one last time. My patient; my former patient had become restless again. The day shift Nurse and I both worked until she was calm and soothed. I couldn't just walk away without helping.
The Daughter turned to me and then without a word, we embraced. For a long, long moment we held each other. And I tried to give her the strength I had left. Her shift wasn't ending. She would need everything she could get.
"Thank you," she whispered.
I brushed a strand of hair from her forehead as I pulled back. "You're welcome. You take care. You and your Mom are in my prayers." And both of us welled up.
It was time to go. One last look; as the curls swirled ever tighter and I walked out. And in the parking lot, the tears blurred my sight. And there were halos in my vision, everywhere.
OnceAgain

Lin

I took Lin out for a jaunt Saturday. A girl's day. The two of us. I knew she'd want to go because the first item on the itinerary was a seminar on a subject we are both curious about and the second involved shopping.
The Girlfriend loves to shop. Doesn't buy much, but tries on, explores, bargain hunts, compares, takes notes, all of the above and more. For hours. Often in the same store/location, before merrily going her way, happy as the proverbial clam.
And since her diagnosis of the aneurysm, I like to get her to myself. Just the two of us. Quality time with my Gal.
So off we went.
We listened to the seminar. Ate a little, asked questions, oohed and ahhed at some pictures. Laughed and giggled a bit, too. Oh, made some sniiiidddeee remarks under our breath. We were generally bad.
And then... we were off.
We also laughed and talked and visited as we went into the shoe store. Tried on the shoes, evaluated the effect on our calves and arches. Decided if the bargains were truly, truly real. And I watched Lin teeter on some Jessica Simpson heels and nearly bust her ass.
I passed on THAT opportunity. This girl knows her limits.
Then onto a thrift store. Nothing there; oh the disappointment. But still chattering and laughing. And then to the Mall.
Now THERE we got into the fun.
For awhile.
It was when I took about five minutes in the dressing room try on some blouses, I got yanked back into our new reality. I went in and came out.
No Lin.
I couldn't find her anywhere. I called her name. No answer.
Mind you; this is a small, uncrowded Penney's.
And I have great lungs. You can HEAR me when I yell.
No Lin.
It was several, several long minutes before I found her. She was standing by a rack of clothing clear across the store. Just standing there, staring at, I haven't the foggiest.
It was not until I was very near, very near, that she responded to my voice. She seemed to blink and see me, to wake up as it were.
I felt like a mother who had found a missing child.
And so reality came back into our fun, girl's day out. The little vagueness I'd noticed before and excused, or attributed to her meds, or or or....
Now here it was and I was having my nose rubbed in it good.
Seizures? Petite mal's?
She'd mentioned "blank spots," but I'd reassured her that her meds could mess with her short term memory. I'd mentioned all the pressure of dealing with her illness plus those of her parents.
Now I wonder. Was I really trying to reassure her? Or me?
All the bravado I'd blustered, all the rah rah rah cheerleader crap to push and pull her and her Family through this, and here it was.
Lin has a finite condition. And it isn't going to get better. It has side effects that can have detritus consequences in the meantime.
It's time to get out of the Ivory Tower and deal with this realistically.
And for one freaking thing; next time we go out; I stick to her like glue.
What if she'd truly seized? Or if the damn thing decided at that particular moment to leak, or God forbid; burst?
It is time for me to step up to this plate and grab the bat. I am her medical alert when we are out and about.
And if I am truly her friend; I must face the ugly reality of our lives and start taking better care of her and keeping her safe.
And maybe if I get really lucky and do a better job, we'll get to have a lot more of these girl's days. And you know, the Girlfriend loves to shop.
And I love the Girlfriend.
OnceAgain

Labor Day Weekend 2008

It started out innocently enough. Just a few days camping and boating with with friends. And I was so looking forward to this. Lots of fun in the sun. With the proper sun factor for me, of course.
I knew Hubby wouldn't get out on the boat again. He's not the water type, but with football starting and a lake house to ensconce himself in, he'd be fine without us.
All was to be well.
We got to the Campground. They call themselves a "resort." Sssuuurrreee.
Our site was 25 feet back through mud and grass to the electric and water hook ups. And the water connect was in the ground buried in the dirt. Not to mention, we had to manvuer around a sign and 2 huge 13 foot plus tree trunks lying on their sides to get to the "push back," point. And then go up a strip of loose gravel that placed the RV off kilter.
Fun.
Tommy took 30 minutes backing into his site because of a tree stump, home made porch, and the "audience." I had to warn Bobby Jimmy to move his golf cart 4 times to move out of the way. 3 times I was polite. The 4th time I smiled through bared teeth and told him he'd much rather talk to me than to Tommy.
He left. We missed him so.
Don't get me wrong. Country Folk are the best in the World. Usually. But these people were something else. Idiots. I've never met anyone like them. It was like they went out of their way to make us unwelcome.
As a matter of fact, I think that was exactly their intent. Most were obviously homesteading. And this in a RV Camp site.
There were 3 areas in this Park, and it was very full. The one we were in, we discovered after we investigated, wasn't the most pristine or nicest of the 3.
Nor were the sites, the ones we were told we would be given when our friends obtained them for us. Hmmmm.
And then we bebop in there and try to invade and set up. So they got in the way; had their dogs running loose and in their way; and then parked their boat trailers and vehicles in the way.
Welcome to South Sauty.
Then to add insult to injury, just as we get there, we get a good old fashioned gully washer. It stormed like Hell. We had a muddy mess.
Yep, dog poo - no one leashes or picks up after the little - or big - curs; and mud.
You have to laugh at all this and we did.
So I smiled and said hello and was as nice as I could be to all. Killed them with kindness. Probably made them a nervous wreck, but not my fault. I figured if I was the polite and sweet sort, they'd be too suspicious to do anything 'cause they'd figure I was up to something and keep and eye out for me.
Seemed to have worked. They were; reluctantly; nice back. Not sweet, but they spoke and then sorta scooted away.
It kept me amused at any rate.
And the time on the boat, floating in the Lake; grilling at the lake house and chilling with friends? Heaven!
So see? It was all in all a good weekend. And we learned not to camp THERE again. So all was not lost. And I got to fish and play with Wendy's pups. They are adorable.
And one of my football teams won. The other? Who the Hell scheduled Hawaii against Florida? After we lost June and Colt Brennon?! Are they freakin' crazy? I hope they got a ton of money for the Athletic Department.
If not that yahoo is guilty of stupidity. Or a really bad weekend for some good kids.
Guilt. We're back to that. Or maybe not. My innocent weekend? It turned out OK. If I'm guilty of anything? Too much fun and sun on the boat, fun and good food with friends, and enjoyment of good weather and pretty scenery after that storm.
Maybe we just had to ride out the storm, clear the air and ignore the ignorant.
And if that was the case. Then we were guilty as charged.
OnceAgain

All By Myself

It seems like I don't have the time to write like I used too. And I'm finding that I miss it. Not just the writing aspect, but the time to muse and have a moment. That time where I'm by myself, all alone. It's the quiet, "me, " time that I find I'm lacking and needing.
I've always been a bit of a loner in that way. And it's a bit of a puzzle to my friends. But, I like my own company and always have.
Oops.
Case in point; when we moved here. I took off as I always do, exploring on my own. I'd spend my whole day off in the small towns abou, walking their sidewalks, window shopping little antique stores, lunching the downtown cafes, and generally browsing about here and there.
I had a blast. Especially as the Fall came and the days cooled down and the colors brightened.
Sometimes, not often enough, I've managed to steal away and have one of those days. The last was 5 months ago. And then I had to work a few errands into that one. So....
I'm craving a true go away just do nothing but wander around and get reacquainted with myself day. Especially with all the crap that's been going on.
A get away day would be bliss.
Hmmm...... I may have some planning to do.
As it is I'm writing after a long night shift. Very long, where I had to stay over for a mandatory class after. Made for a drive home with the air conditioner cranked wwwwaaaayyyy down to help with the sleepiness factor.
We worked our little butts off last night. And fatigue was a big factor.
And "me" time is restorative.
So "sometime" in the near future; I'm gonna do it. Take that day. Not tell the girlfriends or the hubby anything except I have to be on the road. Then off I'll go. And the heck with gas prices. It's cheaper than a psychiatrist.
So far.
So it's settled. In the near future; I'm going off and just chill out as I bumble about, all by myself.
OnceAgain

No More hhGregg

Nothing like having a 36" HD LCD TV, a Toshiba, with the most beautiful picture in the world, most of the time, that you can't use. As it's been, we haven't watched that beautiful picture for a month now.
The bulb blew.
When we got the TV, the young man advised that I purchase the extended warranty. It would be an extra $200.00, but he let me in on a little known fact ... the bulbs usually go around 20-23months or so on the average. With the extended warranty, I'd get 2 of the bulbs which costs around $200.00 a piece, in stalled for free. Yep, I'd call, the bulb "popped," and a nice serviceman would come out to the house, install the new bulb and clean the TV all at no charge.
It was all in the fine print.
That was cool with me.
And guess what? The 1st bulb blew at 7 months.
One phone call, 3 days and we were up and running. Not unreasonable. They told me to call this number and an electronics store local to us came over and handled everything. Cleaned up her inside, too.
Then last month, she popped again.
One phone call. I get a call back in 4 days asking to set up a time to install the bulb. Then a cancellation. Bulb didn't come in. And so it goes for nearly 14 days.
To the point that I called the Hub of this bulb providing fiasco.
"Well, we have to order them from the warehouse," says Norman's Electronics.
"Well, I called Toshiba's warehouse, ma'am, and I was told there are 10,000 bulbs available. I fail to understand the difficulty with your large company obtaining 1 bulb," I reply.
Calls to hhGregg, from which I purchased said TV, no assistance, nothing, NADA.
They don't use the local guys anymore, I have to stick with Norman's or void the warranty which extends to 2011.
I file a complaint about the service. I'll at least let them know what I think. Oh, and let everyone know what I think about hhGregg dumping reliable, FAST, courteous service business do their warranty work.
Well, finally this am, after 13 hours on shift, and waiting up, the bulb was installed by the local rep. of Norman's. But he didn't clean out the TV. I'll have to call and arrange a separate appointment for that little number.
"Sorry, ma'am, that's Norman's policy."
Policy, huh? To screw around with so much paperwork you can't find a bulb from a warehouse in your city; ship it to another city 4 hours away; ship it from that city to mine 1.5 hours away; and arrange for it to be installed in less than ; oh say; a week? And then the serviceman can't clean out the TV while the back is open unless he comes back out to your home AGAIN?
Oh, please tell me how this is more efficient? And how this benefits big, bad hhGregg and makes the customer want to return to their store? Especially when a customer appealed for their assistance and was flat out turned away. I have the documentation, I called at 1125 on 7/9/08.
You see today's date.
And the gentleman I spoke with from Toshiba wasn't real happy either. He wants them to examine the whole TV and see if we need further assistance since she's blown 2 bulbs in so "short" of time. But what the heck, Norman's just installed the bulb, gotta call back for that one, too.
Sorry, Toshiba, maybe YOU should be more careful who you let sell your products.
As for me, I'm going to watch my 36" beauty tonight, again.
At least until we need another bulb.
OnceAgain

Home Again

It's late; in my time zone anyway. It's quiet and very still in the house. It's a good time for musings and pondering. No one else is up and about; except the cat, Charley.
You can't count Charley. He marches to his own beat as they say. And that drummer can't keep the sticks straight; trust me.
We returned from our travels and cleaned and tucked away the RV and equipment on Saturday. The washing is done. Today was a day to catch up on bills and just veg. We didn't go anywhere or really do a thing. We had a little vacation from our vacation.
Isn't it amazing? Vacations used to be a time where folks got "away" from it all. Now you go; and you keep going. It's one thing after another it seems. Everyday you jump up and hit the floor with an agenda. Got a list of "must do's/have to's."
Half of the commercials advertise places geared just for that. Off you go and zip and slap and flip and flop about. They almost make you feel guilty if you aren't running, jumping, swimming or throwing yourself out of a damn plane or something.
My job and life are filled with enough jumping through hoops and stress and "thrills" thank you. I would love to just go someplace and hide for about a week and not do a flipping thing.
I promise you, I'd get my exercise. I'd walk and stroll; along the paths and trails for hours. Not rapid calories, but enough cardio to keep me going.
There's medical proof; destressing is as important to longevity as is spinning. Do the research. And so many of us just don't do it.
Maybe, it's time to start.
Our next trip is to a race in August. And I can assure you; Hubby will have an agenda laid out. Almost every moment will be filled if he has his way. He gets a little distress when I balk at following along with all his plans. Guess, he's going to be a little distressed again.
I've been good long enough. I feel an evil, evil mood coming on and that rebellious spirit I've been known to have is rearing it's little head. And I, by George, want to sit or walk or fart in peace the next time I've got some time off away from home without somebody having a freaking list of things to do all the time; everyday.
I'm drawing a line in the sand. I'm declaring war; so to speak. And by the time we pack out; the "enemy" will have had a warning shot fired across his bow. Sad. But, it will be a brief skirmish and then over; with a truce.
But for now; all is quiet on the home front. And the hour is late. I bid you good night and peace.
OnceAgain

It's Always An Adventure

I originally wrote this and posted it for my RV Group; July 14th. It was suggested I add it to my Blog. So...
Greetings from the South of Florida. Those of you that are here know it has been stormy in the afternoons and is VERY humid of late. Those of that aren't here; count your blessings you aren't traveling with us. The good news; we're all fine. Awful news; the RV Fix -It dude comes out tomorrow to repair the air conditioning unit. Bad news; it was hit or affected by lightening on Saturday afternoon. Better news; our friends that had wanted us to stay at their home still welcomed us with open arms despite the fact we had brought our 2 pups with us. So here we are in this neat house. Stevie the TT is in the RV park; locked up tight. She'll be back together; we hope; by tomorrow afternoon.
Here's the gist. We pull in, get our allotted space and set up -quickly as the black clouds roll in; then dive inside. There's howling winds all about and the place is shaking, but we're buttoned up pretty tight. Hubby decides to roll up the antenna, with me protesting, and hook-up the brand new LCD-HD 36" TV. Then there's this awful crack/boom and I've got this horrible feeling and my hair is standing up on my neck and arms, (guess who was under the damn air conditioner) and I'm going, "we've been hit." Hubby is saying we've lost the TV. I keep saying we've been hit and I feel icky. Half the sockets are off line. It's a freaking mess. Long story short, we reset breakers and plugs, etc., work again, TV doesn't, air conditioner whirls but fan doesn't blow, and I get the feeling back in my neck. Oh, the storm blew through.
Hubby did stomp around calling the TT foul names while I glared at him. Then after a bit, admitted he was a dumba--. Sometimes it's better to let them come around to the truth themselves. And guess who's check will be lighter come tomorrow afternoon? Oh, yeah. I'm not footing the bill for the yawning distances in his synaptic gaps. And he blankety-blank knows it. We've had that little discussion. My right eye twitched for 3 hours. And yes, I realize it might have happened no matter what; but when you beg for it...he's been pretty nice today. SOMEBODY'S on probation and I'm the Governor. So, plan is to be with friends until Wednesday, and then back into what is now a big closet for all intents and purposes. Supposing we can get the air conditioning repaired or replaced. We may be able to file on insurance, I don't know. The roof is intact, the circuit breakers mostly did their jobs, but the lightening appears to have skittered along the roof and downward through conduits or something. All I know is I felt the worst tingling ever; like every hair on my head and arms had come alive. I don't care to repeat it.
So lesson learned, my friends. Don't tease Ma Nature. And if you travel with us, be prepared; it's always an adventure.
OnceAgain

Working Again

I haven't been able to Post for a while. I've been working at long last! Yes! It's finally come to pass. A job has been located; I got my background straightened out from the identity theft issue, and it's been hi-ho-hi-ho and off to work I went. Oh, happy day.
I guess, I must be unusual in that aspect. I truly enjoy my work. I know there are sick folk involved, but there you are. Maybe I'm a little sick myself. I just enjoy taking care of them. And I enjoy the challenges of the IV's, etc.
So I bounced into my 1st patients room, that grumpiest of men, fussed with him and teased him like I always do and we were fine. The next day when he transferred to Re-Hab, he even waved good-bye said he'd miss us! 180 from previous days. He'd just needed someone that wasn't afraid to go toe to toe with him and grin about it.
The other RN's were staring. Yep, they've got a nut case on board. Poor babies, light a candle for them. They'll need all the help they can muster up. I've new territory to conquer and I'll take no prisoners as I blithely bounce my way through the days and/or nights going my merry way.
And yes, I know there'll be shifts from hell. That goes with every job. But we'll muster our way through those and still make it. What other choice have we? Our patients depend on us. I for one intend to render the best care I can give them. I am a Nurse, a good one, not the best nor the greatest, but I hope a damn fine one. And no one better mess up or with my little folks. They are flat out gonna be taken care of in spite of the doctors.
You were suppose to smile at that one.
Wish me luck as I go about my way. I'll be the one with the creaky right knee, the aching lower back and the grin on her face. Oh, and I'll be teasing my co-workers and trying to coax a smile from my patient, when I can, if it's appropriate. If it isn't, I'll be the one with an arm around their shoulders giving support and providing the support in their storms and the shoulder they need.
That's me, not the best, but the one that cares and tries. The one that loves her job and wants the best for them all.
I've got a JOB! Just let me work and I promise you; you'll get my best.
OnceAgain

Prevailing III

I'm beginning to lose what's left of my patience. What little patience I had to begin with in this instance. It's the Bank again. And I'm ready to blow their cover.
They were supposed to come to a conclusion last week. Well, kiddos, guess what? Nutthin'. Absolutely, nutthin'.
So I decided to yank on their chain and see what would shake up. I was of course put off again for, "a few more days." Uh huh.
And this time? I set a deadline. Friday. If I don't get some kind of resolution by Friday; I'm turning this over to my Attorney.
Let's go to Court Kiddies. Let's duke it out in front of the Public and see what Joe Everyday thinks about the situation.
We'll just stick to the records. Oh, wait. They haven't any records. Either there weren't any or the Bank mysteriously "lost' them. I on the other hand have everything and can trace them back to 1992. Care to carbon date my ink?
And how about all that business they advertise about being friendly and caring for their customers like neighbors, etc.? We'll just let the Public know how they've treated me. Did I mention all my records? Did I mention how I take notes and jot down quotes and all that good stuff with every interaction even to this date?
And as El Attorneo is just fascinated with all the goings on and my "jottings," I can tell he's actually more in this for the long haul.
Fine. Let's get to it. My rope is getting frayed. Usually when ropes fray, they are signing that the end of their useful life is nearing an end.
Maybe it's time for the Bank to use that rope and hang itself.
OnceAgain

Employed at Last!

I think I just might have found myself new employment at long last. Well, to me it's at long last. Some others might look at what I consider a "drought" as nothing. But I've been most perturbed at all this.
I've gone on 4 interviews and been courted like the queen I am. (cough - cough) And then ... nothing. Except that one time where I got the very nice letter telling me that my resume was quite outstanding, and I was most impressive. Then it further pronounced that I just didn't "fit" the position they, "had in mind."
OOOKKKAAAYYY. And this was after YOU called ME when I'd Fax'ed my resume to you a mere 18hrs. previously. And I'd been fawned over during the interview process and practically tendered an offer before I left the facility. Hmmmm.
To be fair, I've been fighting Identity theft and I had to get another's name removed from my Social Security Number. THAT may have affected my background search. And the places I had meandered into were, in 3 cases, affiliated with my old employment haunts.
Well, we know how THEY feel about me. I won't go there.
The 4th I just never heard from. And they made/ask me to fill everything out at the Job Fair before I left. I didn't even have time to finish my wine and crackers. I never even had one slice of cheese. Talk about getting the short rift. Pout; pout.
But this one, the 5th one ... They called me the day after I Fax'ed my resume and sent an e-mail to their HR. Then the interview went pretty well. I was escorted over to HR to fill out the application. I did take the precaution to ask HR to hold off on the background search for yet another 24 hrs. as I had just found out about the other person on the SS#. And they were in the process of removing said person. Since they were so backed up, it was apparently not a problem.
And I passed. So I'm wondering if that wasn't the problem the whole time. Whoever it was that had helped themselves to my "life," well guess what? They have a less than stellar background.
Who'da thought?
And after getting the jerk off my number, I got a call suddenly from a 6th place to which I'd Fax'ed my resume. They called just after I'd accepted a tendered offer from #5. And they want to keep me on file just in case things don't work out or I change my mind. Cool.
I'm thrilled. It's frickin' nice to be wanted. What an ego boost. And I needed it frankly with all that's been going on in my life.
So at this moment. I'm technically employed, pending the passage of the drug testing.
My soon-to-be-Supervisor will call the Employee Health Nurse on Monday, and we'll go from there. I am ready to go at anytime. Uniforms, etc., are at the ready. Stethoscope is dusted off and aching to be hung from my neck. I even treated myself to some new pens.
My poor husband is just shaking his head over it all. He has a hard time wondering how anyone can get so excited over a "blood and guts," job.
Sorry, Honey, it's something you just can't explain. You either have it or you don't. I have it. I live and breathe it. It's in my blood. An incurable disease from which I've no desire to be cured.
I might just have found myself a job and it's about time.
OnceAgain

The EX

The trip back to the old home town to deal with problems, (see past blogs), brought up a thought. An odd pondering as it were. Something that had not occurred to me, nor had actually happened to me up until this time.
How do you deal with the Ex when He's...friendly; and seems maybe just a bit too familiar in his behavior? Or actually, how do you deal with the thoughts that arise from your dealings?
The meeting was a necessary evil as it were. Ex was over at the daughter's house, with whom I was staying, to do some yard work for her. We are at this juncture on civil terms.
Time has past. Wounds have scarred, if not healed over. Ex is widower of just over a year's time. We are both of over 50+ year's of age.
Time to act like grown ups and be civilized. Let bygones be bygones after all these years, I suppose. And I have always refused to hate Ex. He is one half of my daughters. To hate Ex would be to hate half of their being, their very existence. I can not, can never do that. They are and always will be my life.
But, to return to the subject.
We had a missing cat on our hands and so the yard work was delayed. Ex was outside; unloading equipment; while we "girls" cat searched. No grass could be cut in case she had escaped outside for fear she'd scoot away and be forever lost. The grandest daughters would be heart broken, so the search was on for la cat.
I was sent out of the house, after about 30 minutes, to tell Ex that the cat had been found. He was free and clear to go about his yardly duties.
Instead, Ex turned suddenly and stopped me as I turn to go back into the house. He just wanted to know if I was, "all right." He was, "worried about me." Apparently Ex could still," after all these years remember what my face looked like when I was worried or under stress." According to Him, I, "needed to take care of myself and not worry about Him and the Girls." "They would be fine." He just wanted me to take it easy and let Him help me how ever He could, etc.
Then there was the flattery. He approves of how I've held up apparently. I'll not bore you with it. I cut Ex short, so it matters not anyway.
There was also the sharing with me the news of His progress on the dating scene. While I'm glad He's out and about; I'm not sure what I have to offer Him on that score. I'm married; I don't date.
That was pretty much the gist of things. Oh, there were two phone conversations, during my stay. Just attempting to check up and make sure all was well with this old war horse. And I like to think He meant well, but I wasn't comfortable making small talk. So I babbled. I'm good at babbling.
Part of me is amazed that two people who once shared a married life for 18 years, intimate life longer, knew every inch of and mirrored the other person, are now such total and complete strangers.
I haven't the foggiest of what He does or doesn't like anymore or vice verse. Where once two people could sit down after a meal and chat or pick a television show to watch; now... nothing. We finished each others sentences; read each others thoughts; and laughed at the same times. We had planned our lives so carefully from teenage to retirement. Then....BOOM!
We have so little in common now; we might have never as well have met.
And that was in my thoughts while he was speaking to me, I'm afraid. I heard His words. But, they came from a greater distance than from where He stood. I was searching His face. I'm afraid I was looking with more than a little curiosity for a glimpse, even a small one, of the man I once knew; once loved.
But, all I saw was a stranger with gray hair and thick glasses. The voice was familiar. The intonation was different. Maybe because the feelings directed at me had changed? Or maybe the feelings I felt in the direction they came from had change? I do not know.
But the change was there. It was as concrete as the driveway upon whence we stood.
And if it's come to that place; that's where I feel it should stay. The oddness; uneasiness comes from the sudden need for Ex to hug when we meet and such. I'm not into that. I need my distance. I'm not a stranger hugger. I always tighten up and pull back.
Maybe that's the reason for this writing. Maybe I've twirled and whirled it all around to this. The arms that held me for all those years and through all those things; are now unknown entities. They belong to a stranger now.
And I think maybe a little voice is reminding me that we're supposed to be wary of strangers.
OnceAgain

Prevailing II

It's been a while since I had time to write. Hell, it's been a while since I had time to breathe. Really breathe. And by that I mean the type of breaths you take where you fill your lungs to the bursting point and exhale until they are totally empty. All the tension in your body is gone. GONE.
I'd give anything to have been able to have done that; anything.
Instead it's been a mad whirlwind of one thing after another.
I'm still dealing with the identity thing. Finally getting all that cleared up, thank goodness. But it's been an up hill battle.
AND I'm still fighting with the Bank about the Safety Deposit Box. Now it's haggling over the worth of the contents that were stolen from me. The Bank Attorney has tendered an offer of $2,500.00 for what is estimated to be between $13,000.00 to $15,000.00.
I'm afraid I took a little umbrage at the amount. Okay, I got angry and relayed this emotion per my vocal cadence and manner via cell phone. I was in my vehicle; parked; as I had returned to my city of residence at the time. The Bank President was the intermediary.
He mentioned how gracious I'd been up to that point and he hoped I'd continue to be so. I replied that this was war and all bets were now off.
And so the conversation went.
Oh, there was the chat about how Pres had mentioned to the Attorney about how professional I was in my note taking and record keeping. All that documentation had not escaped his eagle eye.
Good. Let them sweat a little of that.
Their records flat out suck. No signatures, no notes, no dates, nothing. They are hanging in the wind. And they know it.
We go to Court and I may not "win;" but I'll not lose. And they really don't want the publicity. I haven't gone that far............yet.
And I can. I spoke with MY Attorney. As long as I stick to the facts, state them flat and clear, it's not slanderous, it's not libelous. I can shout their name from the rooftops.
And they know it.
AND they know I will.
They have tried and failed to blame me for their failure. They have tried and failed to cover up a fraud and theft. They have tried and failed to break me.
True I'm on new meds to help me sleep and to calm my gut, but now that they've kicked in; guess what? I'm back to being my feisty little self.
That ain't good for y'all Bank peoplep. Not good at all.
I'm coming for you and I'm coming full steam ahead.
You've messed with the wrong, Lady. AND you allow MY belongings to be looted and plundered during YOUR watch.
Don't you dare; dare try to blame me for your lack of responsibility and lack of protocols.
I never, ever failed to pay for services you forgot to render.
You will pay and you will pay dearly. This is not a threat nor a coercive statement. It is a FACT.
It's time you sucked it up and dealt with it.
I've had too.
OnceAgain.

Prevailing

I've been busy the past few days. Trying to clean up a mess. I feel as though my life has tried to spiral out of my control. And I am desperately trying to keep it within my grasping, clawing little fingers. Futilely. But, I continue to try. It's like trying to hold onto a greasy pole and climb upward at the same time.
I'm getting no where, but I'm getting there at a record speed. Zip pity split. You're watching this old Gal whiz on by. Unfortunately, I'm headed in the wrong direction at this particular time.
I do hope to correct this momentarily.
Keep the Faith. Oh, please, keep the Faith.
The latest debacle? I called the Bank, in the town where I was raised, as I hadn't received the bill for my safe deposit box. Uh, folks..where's the bill? I don't want to be charged with a late fee. I've got this thing about my credit, etc.
And, (drum roll, please), you closed out your box ma'am.
No, I did not.
Yes, you did.
And so it went until I was able to persuade them, with some rather pointed references and proof that they had a bit of a dilemma on their hands.
Now there's a mystery and a mad scramble.
First it was: you don't have to sign to close out the account. Now it's, ma'am YOU came in and closed the account/Box out 18 months ago. And after I proved and gave them the names of collaborating witnesses I wasn't even in the State..... We have - ta DUM - another UH OH.
SO who's signature is on the, now you DO have to have a signature on a piece of paper to close things out? And why did you not ask for ID?
I am at this moment awaiting the Bank Manager's phone call to explain all that has occurred.
And the monies I paid last year? "Lost key fee, Ma'am."
Well, buttercups, it never said that on the bill. All it had was charges for the Box. I did think it was unfair that they had raised the fee on the Boxes without notice. But, I'm a good little trooper and I paid.
So why did they wait to charge me at the time they normally send out the rental notices? Why wasn't there a disclosure about it being for a lost key? NO ANSWER.
This should prove interesting.
Only one person had the other key. She informed me years ago, that she had "misplaced it." So after we had a bit of an estrangement, I took her signature off the accessibility sheet. And all that matters not at this juncture. Not one whit, not one whit.
Whoever helped themselves to the contents to my Box, signed my name. Forged my name. That is a criminal act. A deliberate criminal act, committed by a person with deliberate intent.
And since I've been dealing with an attempt to use my credit fraudulently....Ya think there's a connection?
I will get to the bottom of this. I do not mean this with irony or dark humor. I mean this as an act of justice.
I do not take violation of my privacy well.
If I invite you into my space, you are the most, most welcome individual you can imagine. I love people.
But if you do me or mine wrong. I am so very sorry; you must spend the rest of your days looking over your shoulders.
I am so sorry. It's just how I am.
It will happen.
So for now, I am clawing and scratching and grasping. Yes, I may be slipping a bit as I try to maintain my position. But, I can guarantee you, this will not be a free fall. And I will not be without a partner.
Someone, at some point, is going to accompany me on this journey. And with the help of the courts, and a certain Lawyer, and my documenting ability, someone is going to be left ON THE BOTTOM when I rise back to the top.
OnceAgain

Friday Nights

We were out last night with the Herd again. At the usual Watering Hole. We have two we generally use. Much to the chagrin of the Original. But then again the Original has asked for it.
I, along with the rest, remain in awe of how an establishment can do what they do and still remain in business.
Often the restrooms are; well they ARE, and we ladies must go request some amenities such as a little TP. The temperatures will fluctuate wildly area to area. The service unless Bar Wench is on duty will suck, frankly. Half the TVs don't work or the screens are fuzzy, the volume is skewed, the remotes are missing and they are all analogs and so will soon be obsolete anywho. The food is OK, but just OK.
And it's the only Gig in town. There's the secret to its holding power. That's what pretty much keeps it in business. That and most who go there haven't had that much experience with living in other areas of the Country that have local bars/pubs that have a family feel, etc. So they haven't anything to compare it too. Plus, sports bars have only recently begun their encroachment into the Municipalities around this place.
As the commercials go, hopefully one is coming this way soon.
For now, our 2nd spot is a bit of a drive. Which means, one of us does not get to imbibe. Fair or not, we have to err on the side of safety; ours as well as others.
2nd spot has better food, TVs, temperatures - for the most part, and cleaner restrooms. Service can be tricky, but the Staff is fun.
It's the drive that gets to you. It's out in the middle of no where. So we can take back country roads or the Interstate with - and I can say this 'cause I was raised here - rednecks on heightened top heavy trucks bouncing about lane to lane; cell phone/blackberry addicts oblivious to the happenings of life around them; teenagers who don't know what a car is about yet racing their and our lives away; and truckers who are switching lanes at any whim with loads listing like sail boats in a stormed sea.
Everybody mad at me now? And you all know it's true.
And that just takes the fun out of going out for or returning from a relaxing afternoon/evening with the Herd. Although, if I'm the DD, I tend to take the back country roads. They are narrow, but calm. More my cup of tea after chatting and laughing and visiting. It's hard to get into the mood to zoom; zoom; zoom after you've spent hours whiling away the time giggling and sitting with elbows on a table.
On the drive there.....well, if you take the Interstate, you at least have a conversation starter. You can make fun of the drivers, or blow off some stream. Our Group doesn't do the cell/blackberry thing when driving. We've helped out at too many accidents.
Chisel a child out of a van that crunched from a Mom who was chatting and you'll be cured, I promise you.
But back to the subject.
We are hoping the Original will come up to code, come into this century. Especially as gas prices climb. I know the owner has been doing a few little things. Maybe he wants to keep our business. I know, he knows, that the - ouch - older demographic has the real money to spend.
We'll continue to assess the situation, as we gather and visit and laugh. But civilization is encroaching where we live. A new shopping center has opened just a few miles away. There is hope we might have some adventurous entrepreneur will decide he wants to grab some of the bucks in this area.
If so, he might just see us stampede in and spend away our money and our time. And who knows, it could be a regular Friday night stampede. You never know with the Herd.
OnceAgain

Ma Nature

There's a terrible problem with not having an updated master bathroom.
It's that da-- mirror directly across from the bathtub.
Oh, yeah. You know the one. The 4' x 8' monster that stretches across the counter in all it's glory under the too bright lights to reflect....YOU.
The only good news; I have a rockin' sense of humor. That and a skewed sense of ego. Oh, I know I'm not some movie star and I'll never be the one that men fall over as I waltz into the ballroom.
But, my dears, I still have the machachos to waltz into the ballroom. That or the lack of good sense.
Kathie Lee Gifford once said to an audience member a long time ago, "we had our day in the sun, didn't we, Dear?"
All too true.
But sittin' under the Oak tree ain't half bad. Sure beats getting sunburned and having to deal with teenage angst and going through all that crap that we had to go through scratching our way up the 20's and 30's.
The 40's .... I divorced; clawed my way through Nursing School raising 2 remarkable/beautiful teenage daughters on my own; established myself from nothing; got back on my feet; and remarried. Other than that, the 40's were a piece of cake.
The 50's have been pretty OK. But I've notice Ma Nature is starting to get amusing. Or should I say; she amusing herself with me. I can hear the chuckling almost daily.
The lines deepening, the joints starting to ache, the gravity calling to various body parts, that's not such a big deal. It's the inside changes that are annoying.
I'm taking pills now. And not, I assure you for birth control. No. No. NO! Various internal "items" are not up to par. So I'm having to compensate.
I resent this, quite frankly.
I have to remember which to take in the morning and which to take at night. The memory ain't cracked up to what it used to be either. And I have to go give blood every so often to measure and test levels.
I hate needles. And don't you dare even go there. I can stick a turnip and find a vein. I'm good at what I do. But that doesn't mean I want you to stick me. I know I'm a Nurse...just go with it.
So every morning, I take my pills and every night I take more. And I try and do it and keep my skewed sense of humor intact. I take them in front of my big mirror, under the big bright lights. I take them with my water in a wine glass. I toast myself in the mornings for having made it to another day. And at night, well I'll spare you the visual.
Here's to gravity and getting older. Sure beats the alternative. Skoal.
OnceAgain

Krazy?

If animals; pets; reflect their owners. I'm cooked. No really.
Charlie Cat is leaping up the walls again at imaginary ...whatevers. 3-4 feet, straight up. Then sliding down and trying again.
After a couple of tries to capture the whatevers, he'll mrouf!, and take off at full speed down the hall. Zzzziiiiipppp! To the bedroom, or through the great room and up the stairs. It matters not, he's gone.
My gray and white furry ghost, leaving only a trail of floating silvered strands wafting in the air.
They usually settle on the areas I've just cleaned.
It's that universal Endust law.
If the pups are in from their mandatory yard patrol, the younger ones will give a short lived chase. Then Charlie will wheel, turn while raised up like a grizzly and attack.
It's over quickly. No real blood shed. Some pride is always lost, mortally wounded to lie at the feet of the involved warriors, but no actual blood.
And in a few hours, it will begin again.
They're crazy. Absolutely crazy. All of 'em.
Charlie, we've discussed - Okay, you've read about him.
Peaches is a Chihauhau, black and white, (I didn't name her!). And she is cunning and always in trouble. She sneaks and steals and then whines and tells on herself. Honestly. Meets you at the door with tail tucked practically screaming, "I did it! I'm-sorry-and-I'll-never-do-it again-and-I-promise-to-be-better-give-me-another-chance-I-love-you-more-than-the-world-knows!" And always, always, does anything and everything she can get into again. She just does.
Hudson is a Daschy mix. He thinks he's macho, macho man. I've yet to break it to him he's neutered. He adores the Hubby. No one else exists in the whole world for him. He'll growl at anyone that gets too near Hubbykins. I drove 4 hours each way to rescue that little twerp and he goes over to the dark side. Not that I resent it, you understand.
Irish is a Golden/Irish Setter mix. Hubby likes to say she got the coat of the Goldens and the brains of the Setters. All I know is she's as sweet as she can be and dumb as a box of rocks. But, she's the best thing in the world with the grandest kids. And they love her, too. Okay, she's not crazy, just slow on the uptake.
Whiskers; oh, Whiskers. She came to me as the dog that only had months to live. She's a mutt. She arrived 13 years ago and she was 2 or 3 then. She's gonna out live us all. And she snores. But, she taught the others how to tolerate cats. She likes to bark....at anything. It matters not if you can hear the noise or only she can hear the noise. She will suddenly ...bark. A deep throated, sounds like a big male dog, bark. Until you yell, "Whiskers, STOP!" Lately she's decided she doesn't like her reflection. I'm thinking dementia is raising it's ugly head.
They have to be told to go outside. Sometimes; loudly. "You're DOGS, go out, it's beautiful, come on." And there they'll lay, "Huh? Us? Out THERE?"
Snooty little perps.
Charlie would go out in a heartbeat. Even in the rain, he'd scoot out the door and make a break for it. The little brat's declawed and the streets are filled with flying cars, but he'd risk it. Scale the fence and off into the world, he'd go. Have to watch my brazen, crazy boy. He's fast.
He's forgotten that he came staggering up to us starved, dirty and cold. He's fat and fed now and ready for new adventures. He's ready to take on anyone and everything. He's brave and unafraid.
Hmmm. Maybe if he's a reflection, I'm not so cooked after all.
OnceAgain

Et tu, Brute'?

One of the reasons I was able to open a blog and start this writing business, was I've become unemployed. I'm not working as a Nurse at this time.
New territory for this Chick. I've done something since my teenage years. Even when I was a housewife, there were the kids, and their friends and the assorted, extended, gamut of extras that came with that era of my life. I waited until they got into school and I became a Substitute Teacher. Always found something. Then back to school and Nursing. Until now.
I'm still a Nurse, just not working. Looking, not working.
The applications are out and the resumes are with them. I'm waiting. Somebody will want or need me, I'm just going to have to be patient.
And I'm going to have to use this episode as a learning experience. Learn that if something doesn't feel like a good fit, trust your gut, leave that Unit - fast.
Learn that if someone says something about you, why they are allowing you to "take flight," swallow your surprise and let it go. Don't blurt out the truth. It is really, in the scheme of things, no big deal. And blurting out the truth, in your surprise,and casting a bad light on the one in control? The one that decided, despite your not costing the Unit a sou, that she didn't want to expend her energy to teach the new machinery. The one that decided despite the protest of others, it was just easier to shove you from the nest. The one that told others it was your idea to leave when it was not. The surprise must not; must not register. For if it does? Even if caught off guard? Then you will speak in your confusion; pain. Not good. Not good.
It was enough that HR knew the truth. It was enough that HR backed you up. But, if you're PRN - per diem; no benefits; no rights. If the one in control wants to hang you out, not a thing they can do.
HR can't stop the tendrils of the grapevines that wind and twist their way through the halls of Institutions. The one in control will be angry. And she will feed the plant. Even those that know the truth, will back away. Controversy is fatal; it is a cancer with no cure.
And tendrils can choke off the life of a career, no matter how pristine and carefully nurtured.
When all the others got 3's and 3.5's. I got 4's, etc. "One of the Best." Bye-bye. Now, having exhausted all options there and with its affiliations, I'm resigned to casting my nets across other seas.
I feel like a traitor, but this vacation has gone on long enough.
I like what I do. I miss my folks, my patients. I miss taking care of them, talking to them, watching out for them and teaching them. I actually like answering their questions.
I'm weird that way.
And my friends? They are howling and squalling. But, they too are at a loss. No power. Can't fight the Establishment. This is a learning curve for all of us. There's no job security. And the e-mails are pouring in from others that were treated the same as I.
So; I am not alone. But that is not a comfort. It actually deepens the ache. In this business that is supposed to be of heart and soul, warmth and kindness, I have found it is a cruel and cold place with closed doors.
And yet I wish to continue, to break those doors open. I still have much to give. So I will continue to strive. My day is coming and I will prevail. I will return and care and teach and hold and nuture.
I am, after all, a Nurse.
OnceAgain

The "Herd"

We went to the old watering hole last night. Met with the Herd. Family, actually. Or maybe we're a conglomerate. Whatever we are, we're tight.
We may fuss and tussle amongst ourselves, but let anybody else get too near or threaten one of our members.... Well, let's just start lighting the candles for that poor soul right now. They're doomed.
Our meetings remind me of old time Thanksgiving Dinners. The "Boys" gravitate towards each other and the "Girls" stay to their area. The only difference; no cooking. Thank God, for B... Or as the Boys fondly call her, Beer Wench. And she will roll her eyes and give them THAT look. But she waits on Us and puts up with the nonsense and treats Us very well. Best of all, she laughs at the dumb Boy jokes as if she's heard them for the very 1st time. Saves the Girls a lot of trouble.
We tip very well. And B... earns it. Bless her, bless her.
Speaking of blessings; one of our Girls is under the weather and needs them. And we're worried about her. And worse, not a darn thing we can do to make her better. That's hard for me.
I'm a Nurse and I fix everything. OK, I try. I guess it's in my blood. And I stick my nose into every one's business and fix what ails them. It's a hobby?
It's a lot easier than focusing on my own problems. J.... pointed it out to me last week. Pointed it out, told me to stop, and told me to take care of myself for a change. Yes, ma'am.
Ah, the Herd taking care of its own. Circling and noting the weaker and making sure that the jackals can't attack.
Even the Boys note when one of Us gets down. Yes! Even the Boys! And they will fuss, too.
Granted they take a different tact amongst themselves. It's a more manly "thing." But there you are, dude to dude giving support with jokes and profane language and back slaps.
And they will lend a hand to a Girl, gentler, still joking, awkward, often stumbling, but there. They are strong in this, if slightly teenagish. One almost expects an outbreak of acne.
So we fuss and push and snort. Take care and worry about the one who's under the weather. Plot to make them as "better" as we can. We circle and protect and meet. We love and care despite the obvious glaring faults we all possess.
We're Family and I told you, We're tight.
OnceAgain

Ring-a-Ding Ding

I’m just wondering why Industries haven’t the least iota of ethics these days. After all, if they did, we’d note their advertisements would have something besides a hollow ring.
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls.” It be a ringin’ for you, Lowe’s.
Yesterday, May 14, I meandered into Lowe’s.
“Let’s build something together,” Gene Hackman will overtone.
Uh huh.
So how come, not one, not one man, male, boy, etc, would make eye contact or answer my queries for assistance to locate the one item I wished to purchase?
And before the snide remarks or thought processes begin, I may be 54 years of age, but I look younger and I was dressed nicely and freshly bathed. I’m not some off putting, drooling monster. I have manners and use them.
All I wanted was a rope saw. One little, branch cutting, tree trimming, manual utile rope saw.
Not a large purchase. But as I tend to be a bit Tomboyish and have been known to drop large amounts of monies in the self-help, home improvement stores…..
So I trotted my happy little self to Home Depot and made my purchase there. Oh, by-the-by., they didn’t have the rope saw either. But, they had the roof sealant, specialty light bulbs, a trowel, limb loppers, and a few other things I’d been intending to purchase. I decided I might as well get them while I was out.
It did add up, but, things cost these days. And oh, my goodness, I had several people, ladies too, asking me if they could assist. Almost from the time I hit the open door, there were orange aproned folks available.
So very nice to have a welcoming atmosphere in a store. I needed some assistance with merchandise location. Sometimes I did not. But, it was nice to have the options.
So guess, just guess where I will be shopping and spending my money? Yep.
And now guess what I’ll be telling all my friends and e-mailing to all my “lists?” Yep.
Oh, ding-dong. That bell will be tolling in the distance, Lowe’s, as I wait for Home Depot to open their doors.
OnceAgain