Et tu, Brute'?

One of the reasons I was able to open a blog and start this writing business, was I've become unemployed. I'm not working as a Nurse at this time.
New territory for this Chick. I've done something since my teenage years. Even when I was a housewife, there were the kids, and their friends and the assorted, extended, gamut of extras that came with that era of my life. I waited until they got into school and I became a Substitute Teacher. Always found something. Then back to school and Nursing. Until now.
I'm still a Nurse, just not working. Looking, not working.
The applications are out and the resumes are with them. I'm waiting. Somebody will want or need me, I'm just going to have to be patient.
And I'm going to have to use this episode as a learning experience. Learn that if something doesn't feel like a good fit, trust your gut, leave that Unit - fast.
Learn that if someone says something about you, why they are allowing you to "take flight," swallow your surprise and let it go. Don't blurt out the truth. It is really, in the scheme of things, no big deal. And blurting out the truth, in your surprise,and casting a bad light on the one in control? The one that decided, despite your not costing the Unit a sou, that she didn't want to expend her energy to teach the new machinery. The one that decided despite the protest of others, it was just easier to shove you from the nest. The one that told others it was your idea to leave when it was not. The surprise must not; must not register. For if it does? Even if caught off guard? Then you will speak in your confusion; pain. Not good. Not good.
It was enough that HR knew the truth. It was enough that HR backed you up. But, if you're PRN - per diem; no benefits; no rights. If the one in control wants to hang you out, not a thing they can do.
HR can't stop the tendrils of the grapevines that wind and twist their way through the halls of Institutions. The one in control will be angry. And she will feed the plant. Even those that know the truth, will back away. Controversy is fatal; it is a cancer with no cure.
And tendrils can choke off the life of a career, no matter how pristine and carefully nurtured.
When all the others got 3's and 3.5's. I got 4's, etc. "One of the Best." Bye-bye. Now, having exhausted all options there and with its affiliations, I'm resigned to casting my nets across other seas.
I feel like a traitor, but this vacation has gone on long enough.
I like what I do. I miss my folks, my patients. I miss taking care of them, talking to them, watching out for them and teaching them. I actually like answering their questions.
I'm weird that way.
And my friends? They are howling and squalling. But, they too are at a loss. No power. Can't fight the Establishment. This is a learning curve for all of us. There's no job security. And the e-mails are pouring in from others that were treated the same as I.
So; I am not alone. But that is not a comfort. It actually deepens the ache. In this business that is supposed to be of heart and soul, warmth and kindness, I have found it is a cruel and cold place with closed doors.
And yet I wish to continue, to break those doors open. I still have much to give. So I will continue to strive. My day is coming and I will prevail. I will return and care and teach and hold and nuture.
I am, after all, a Nurse.
OnceAgain