Lin

I took Lin out for a jaunt Saturday. A girl's day. The two of us. I knew she'd want to go because the first item on the itinerary was a seminar on a subject we are both curious about and the second involved shopping.
The Girlfriend loves to shop. Doesn't buy much, but tries on, explores, bargain hunts, compares, takes notes, all of the above and more. For hours. Often in the same store/location, before merrily going her way, happy as the proverbial clam.
And since her diagnosis of the aneurysm, I like to get her to myself. Just the two of us. Quality time with my Gal.
So off we went.
We listened to the seminar. Ate a little, asked questions, oohed and ahhed at some pictures. Laughed and giggled a bit, too. Oh, made some sniiiidddeee remarks under our breath. We were generally bad.
And then... we were off.
We also laughed and talked and visited as we went into the shoe store. Tried on the shoes, evaluated the effect on our calves and arches. Decided if the bargains were truly, truly real. And I watched Lin teeter on some Jessica Simpson heels and nearly bust her ass.
I passed on THAT opportunity. This girl knows her limits.
Then onto a thrift store. Nothing there; oh the disappointment. But still chattering and laughing. And then to the Mall.
Now THERE we got into the fun.
For awhile.
It was when I took about five minutes in the dressing room try on some blouses, I got yanked back into our new reality. I went in and came out.
No Lin.
I couldn't find her anywhere. I called her name. No answer.
Mind you; this is a small, uncrowded Penney's.
And I have great lungs. You can HEAR me when I yell.
No Lin.
It was several, several long minutes before I found her. She was standing by a rack of clothing clear across the store. Just standing there, staring at, I haven't the foggiest.
It was not until I was very near, very near, that she responded to my voice. She seemed to blink and see me, to wake up as it were.
I felt like a mother who had found a missing child.
And so reality came back into our fun, girl's day out. The little vagueness I'd noticed before and excused, or attributed to her meds, or or or....
Now here it was and I was having my nose rubbed in it good.
Seizures? Petite mal's?
She'd mentioned "blank spots," but I'd reassured her that her meds could mess with her short term memory. I'd mentioned all the pressure of dealing with her illness plus those of her parents.
Now I wonder. Was I really trying to reassure her? Or me?
All the bravado I'd blustered, all the rah rah rah cheerleader crap to push and pull her and her Family through this, and here it was.
Lin has a finite condition. And it isn't going to get better. It has side effects that can have detritus consequences in the meantime.
It's time to get out of the Ivory Tower and deal with this realistically.
And for one freaking thing; next time we go out; I stick to her like glue.
What if she'd truly seized? Or if the damn thing decided at that particular moment to leak, or God forbid; burst?
It is time for me to step up to this plate and grab the bat. I am her medical alert when we are out and about.
And if I am truly her friend; I must face the ugly reality of our lives and start taking better care of her and keeping her safe.
And maybe if I get really lucky and do a better job, we'll get to have a lot more of these girl's days. And you know, the Girlfriend loves to shop.
And I love the Girlfriend.
OnceAgain