'Tis the Night of Christmas

It's Christmas evening. Like Moore's "EVE" poem; all is quiet through the house. Skip is abed along with the pup and cat. I have the TV on as I'm on call for the Hospital.
It's my last shift. I don't miss it. I guess I should, but that's the reality of it.
Maybe it really was time for a change. Or maybe that wasn't the Unit for me. I enjoyed the Unit at my prior hospital more, but the Staff at this one better.
You can't have it both ways I suppose.
Reality can just suck sometimes.
And my mood has been a bit sour.
My friend who had lung cancer passed this past Wednesday in the wee hours of the morning. He made it almost 30 minutes after the midnight hour.
Now the significance of that? The day prior had been his 56th birthday.
The old coot said he wouldn't die before his birthday and leave me older than him. A gentleman to the end and a man of honor. He just had that one major fault. He could not leave cigarettes alone.
On a happier note; eldest daughter got her CPA! She's worked so hard. I can't describe all she's done. The kid's got heart and moxie.
I wish I had half the "stuff" my girls have in and about them. They are two terrific young women.
And now Christmas is winding to a close.
So is the year, actually.
Where did the time go? Weren't we just ringing in'09 a few days ago?
I thought so. I remember being in Tallahassee with the Family.
Then the year just tumbled forward. Roughly, too.
I thought it started off well. The new job at the College, the Unit was challenging, and I was bumpimg along okay.
Then Uncle William passed and the LAG's - as I refer to them - got nasty about Estate stuff; well it got busy. Switching hospitals made it busier. Doing that while teaching and managing an Estate was probably not the smoothest move. I like to learn things the hard way. Then we piled the remodel of the house in on the list. Did I mention the contractor trouble? Thought not. Well, there was that too. Cost us. A lot. Time and about $2,000.00. OUCH!
Skip's paying for that one by the way. He insisted on THAT dude.
And just as we thought we had a handle on things and were catching our breath; the cancer hit. Worse for him, yes. But watching him; it tore you into pieces and ripped your soul.
And he did to himself. That is the hell of it.
Not easy to watch a loved one turn into a cachetic shadow. Morphine and its haze is indeed a blessing. And for him and his family and those of us who loved him too; Christmas Angels came early in the form of the Hospice personnel who c
ame and gave the tender care
all needed in those final days.
Ah, Christmas is coming to a close. The final minutes ticking a way. Time marching onward as it is want to do.
Time to count my blessings and close these musings in the quiet of this house.
OnceAgain

Highs and Lows

It's a day.  A day.
Emotions are sometimes laid out like a child's hair that has been tangled from a bubble bath gone gloriously afroth.  Snarled and whipped and furled.
Don't you sometimes wish you could pour conditioner on some events and watch them smooth out into a river of shiny taffy?
Not gonna happen.
I was supposed to share my good news with a friend, JT, as soon as I found out; or as soon as possible. JT has lung cancer that has spread.  He's terminal.  Another friend, J, as been his point of contact, go-to, don't-leave-me-I'm-afraid. 
So I had planned to ask her if today would be a good day to see him.  He's weak and has good days and bad.  Plus his sisters have converged.  And I was taught to never just "drop in" on folks.
Southern thing I suppose.
But when I saw J last night, they had just admitted JT to the hospital.  He's to have rest today while they rehydrate him and bolster him up with antibiotics.
So the plan is to see him tomorrow and share my news after I hand in my formal letter of resignation to the same hospital where he has been admitted.
Oh, my news.  I will be a full time Instructor at the College as of next quarter. 
And I'm trilled, beyond elated actually, I love working with my kids and at the College.
But, besides JT's being so ill, I am going to miss my Unit at the Hospital.
What I won't miss is the pain I've had after 12 hours of being on my feet and pulling and tugging obese patients.
I'm old and worn out I suppose.
My carcess is showing it's age.
Rats.
And my Supervisor.  Well, let's see.  I actually got him the position.  It was a thing where a good man needed a job and they had an opening and I campaigned.  So now I feel like I'm deserting him.  But I shouldn't because he is still employed and doing well.
But, I'm a mother hen over my chicks.  I have a hard time letting my children grow up.
I am going to stay through the Holidays.  I had said I'd work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day night shifts.  And I will. 
It's something I've always done. 
There are younger Staff out there with small children.  If I work those shifts, that's one more parent that can spend those shifts with their kids. 
Skip is in agreement with me on this.  So my "official" day of resignation will be the 28th.  I have to resign on the 28th as that is a work day.
Ain't no body gonna come in on the weekend just for me.  I ain't that special.
It would be real neat if I were.
Ah, life.  It raises you to such heights and then drops you on your ass just to let you know; you ain't all that, but I'm giving you a break enjoy what you have.
Live the moment I 'spose.  And I shall.
J just sent me a MMS.  JT is not doing well.  No visitors.  Family only.  She will give him my news for me so my promise will be kepted.  Let me know of changes.
Didn't I just mention landing on an ass.
Mine's a bit flatter today.
And so I will close.
OnceAgain

Details, Letters and Reports

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Date: Wed, Sep 30, 2009
Hello All,

  Just a quick note before I dash to the Campus to settle a book matter.

  I have received the check for the sale of the Warren property.  I will deposit that as well while I am out and about.

  We did well.  And I owe it all to Ricky; our Realtor.  He really went above and beyond for us.

  I did allow the buyer to take 1 month early occupancy so there is a rental check also.  I needed to stop the "bleed" as it were from the Estate monies as much as I could.  His moving into the property allowed me to stop having to keep the water and electric in the Estate name.  It wasn't that much, but every little bit helps.

  At this juncture, it is all outgo and no income.  So I've been keeping a tight, tight rein on everything.  And I've kept the check book balanced to the penny.

  Yes, I'm that type A.  I've been known to hunt down a dime in my own account and challenge it.  I'll leave it to your imagination how I've been with your account.

  I've also gotten all your replies on the Buick with the exception of Edmond and Betty.

  I need those by October 3, 2009.

  I'm sorry to place a mandate on this, but I've had to pay for insurance and upkeep.  That's a bleed on the Estate.

  If I've no reply by midnight then I will take this as a negative response as to your wishing to purchase her.  At that point, I'm placing her - as is - on Craig's List and that little flier that is local to Enterprise area and selling her.  I've got to get rid of her. ASAP.

  Betty knows the price.  The Buick is going.

  I plan to gather all the paperwork as per Mr. Marsh's instructions and place the data in the order he requested and do a run down to Enterprise in mid October and begin the dispersal of monies to all of you.

  This will meet the 6 month mandate by Alabama law and all other requirements.  I will be holding some monies back for taxes as I have to file 2009 for the Estate come January 2010.  Mr. Marsh will assist in that also.

  And the Estate did show income.

  Again, I will follow all to the strictest letter of the law.

  I realize most of you know I do this.  I just want to emphasize it in case anyone's forgotten.

  And please, don't call Mr. Marsh about when you are going to get your money.  I'm going to get all that is due; to you. I swear, by all I hold dear.  That was terribly unnecessary.  And embarrassing.

  I was mortified when he brought that up.  Grandmama would have been so upset.

  Closing of the Warren property went well, except for that mention, which I apologized for, but was long.  We had to wait for some of the paperwork.

  The gentleman buying the property is completely rehabbing the house and absolutely loves the place.  He has already gutted the kitchen and begun updates.  He plans to put a deck off the back door of what was Grandmama's bedroom.  That will be the master bedroom.  And the east wall that had the 1 window will be an entry to a master bathroom/closet.  He's also revamping the single bathroom.

  His favorite spot at the moment is the sun porch in the front.  He says he just loves to sit out there and read and relax.

  I gave him the file with the original survey and papers that I had found that could be salvaged.  I thought perhaps he would like to have the history of his new home.  He was very toughed.  He said he'd like to frame the original survey and hang it in the living room.

  He is a Major in the Army.  Flies Blackhawks.  Will probably have to do one more stint in Iraq.  But he plans on retiring in Enterprise.  He bought the house as a flip at 1st, but now that he's been in her; he says she's home.  He's going to spend the rest of his years there.

  His words were, "she's just the neatest little place.  I love her."

  He's made a workshop in the garage.  Does his own wood working.  Getting a divorce and has a young son that likes to run down the hall; through the kitchen, up the dining room; across the living room and start the circuit again.

  Sound familiar?

  We did alot of chatting while waiting for papers.  I like him.  And it made the signing over of a place I hold very dear somewhat easier.

  I didn't cry.  I was very professional and wore a nice pantsuit.  Heels, too.  I did you all proud.  Even used my good handwriting.

  So we've crossed another job off the list.  Dawn's light is showing.  And I shall wrap this up a swiftly as possible.

  Take care all,

  Aud
(Recap of one of the missives to the Relatives about the Estate)
(Told you I'd been writing)

--
Regards,
    Audrey Johnston

Audrey H. Johnston
Madison, AL 35756
256-653-3397

Back From the "Dead"

Two Months. It's been two frickin' months since I've posted. Is that not the pits?
I should be shot. But then I feel like I have been. It's been a long haul folks. And I'm pooped. Flat out TIRED. Exhausted. Sleepy. Uh....need I go on?
And the pity is; I've been writing my little fingers off. Truly. They've just been letters to other folks. Some good; some sharp; and some really to the point and kinda bad.
I think what I'm going to have to do is save a copy/paste of these little deals and then publish them so you folks will know - SHE's ALIVE!!!!
So on to the news.
The Estate is about tidied up for the year. I go tomorrow and roll the CD's over into the checking account and that's it until after January. Then we do taxes and I hope I'm done.
DONE.
Of course getting there was not without it's drama.
We sold the old homestead and that was traumatic for me. But the gentleman that bought it; is in love with the place and it'll not be torn down. Instead it will be refurbish and rebuilt and added onto for another generation to grow and love.
I can handle that. My heart is sore, but not broken.
Then I finally had everything ready to start cutting the checks. And of course the Boys were cooperative.
But the two who had howled and cried foul and kicked and screamed about the money and unfairness over waiting and sharing of and for funds; did they cooperate?
HELL NO! They were the last to send in numbers; info, etc.
Finally; I sent out emails that ask and stated if you want your money; you must do this by this or you will by George wait until after Christmas because I am taking a break from the two of you. Period.
They called in their info the next morning. And cost the Estate a bit more cash than was necessary so I could get everything out before Thanksgiving.
Creeps.
And during all this; I had a daughter and Grandest kids visit, worked my 2 jobs, got coins and Estate items appraised. I handled Buick issues and conferred with my Dad - my Stepmom is getting forgetful. I also made a RV jamboree with Skip for a long weekend. Went to classes to keep up my certificates and licenses for my jobs. Worked on the house and actually got a few projects finished. Last but not in the least; we had a friend be diagnosed with lung cancer and I spent a long evening with him while he told me things that I'm not sure I wanted to hear, but I listened. All the while thinking as I typed the long email letters to friends and family that I needed to get to my blog and blow off some steam.
The thing is, as I've said, some of my mailings were as long if not longer than my blogs. And as the Boys have noted - funny.
As a matter of fact; I've promised to keep writing and in touch because they enjoy them so much. So I could have done a cut and paste and posted to here. Or vice versa, I suppose.
Why didn't I?
I don't know. I meant too. I just never got around to it. I was always getting sidetracked. Or worn out or, or, or......
And I'm teaching 2 new subjects this quarter.
JUST when you get all your exams where ya want them... well, there ya are, they go and switch things on ya.
Oh, oh, oh. I may be down to one job in the coming year if everything works out. So all must have very good thoughts for me. But I may take on an additional class and a clinic. And if I do that; I'm going to the College full time.
It will certainly help with the neck issue. Since I got that little number started up; it's been making up for lost time with a vengeance. After every 12 hours on the floor; I spend 10 hours wanting to lay on my side and just huddle. Not a lot of fun. To be honest, it saps me. I may be to the point where I'm more effective in the classroom.
Good thing I love it there.
My Kids this quarter have again been a blast. I don't know how I get so darn lucky. But I look forward to going into work each Monday and Wednesday. I just hope it keeps on being that way. The only problem I had turn out to be because I was following the rules set out for us as Instructors. So when the President ask me to write down what happened and I did, he got 1st hand knowledge that I was doing what he told me to do.
Whew.
Especially since there were a few that weren't. Oh so glad that I wasn't one of them.
That little problem ate up a full week. Sweated it out, too. I can be, oh, so paranoid.
So that about raps this up. I'm back and I figure I can start doing the cut and paste bit to keep up.
Actually, I probably should go back into my sent files and look up and post a few things to prove I wasn't in a coma or something for the past 2 months.
I may. I may. We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm back alive and kicking.
OnceAgain

Learning the Hard Way

While I have the time; I might as well expound on the visit to the ER I had over Labor Day Weekend. Well, actually, it was the Tuesday after. I always like to wait until my Docs are out of town to do my thing.

It wasn't my fault truly. It started while we were RVing in Atlanta at the races.

I got a little achy on Friday, down right sick Saturday, Sunday was just miserable and Monday was... I told my husband; I gotta have something for this pain. I need a strong INSAID. Which is a prescription type Advil.

I called my MD's office Tuesday and they said, "they're out of town. We'll get the nurse to call you back."

She did.

And I told her what was going on and she said get to a doctor.

I think it was the neck pain and stiffness.

Well, I admitted I'd been sleeping - as it were - and resting on bags of ice due to the neck pain.

Hey, I'm a tough old bird, but this pain was something else. I couldn't turn my neck and flat out didn't want too.

Yes, I could touch my chin to my chest. I just walked like I had a 2x4 for a spine when I got up. And most of the time; I stayed in my reclining chair on my bags of ice. It soothed and kept me going.

And scared the hell out of my friends and husband.

So into my Hospital's ER I went.

I checked in, did the paperwork, got triaged, etc.

Then they took me back and I saw the Doc.

Questions.

Exam.

Found out I was an RN.

We decided to start out conservative. In other words, blood work and something for the pain. I ask for Toradol. I don't use narcotics. He raised his eyebrows. I don't like losing control, I explained.

I'm a little type A. Eyebrows stayed up, but he agreed.

That was when I realized I stepped in it. He thought I wasn't really taking all this seriously.

Well, yeah I was. I came in because I was HURTING. I don't go to ERs just to visit.

But no; I really didn't think it was what he was leaning towards. And no one was gonna look at my spine with a needle in their hand until I had more proof that there was a reason for it.

Those things are serious business.

And this was my spine. And their needle.

Of course, maybe I was a little sicker than I thought because apparently I was a little "behind" on my fluids.

10 sticks to get the IV and give the med, 4 more to get the labs. No fluids hung. If they hang fluids; they might try to keep you.

I had to give Finals to 43 kids the next day.

No way was I gonna stay.

Patch me up and send me home. I just know you guys are good.

Of course, every one's sticking their head in and asking, "Audrey, what are you doing here?"

And I felt like being sarcastic. But I kept it light. Even gritted my teeth through all the needles and just got on with it.

And the med helped. It got me through the XRays. They were bad. Bend, twist, pose.

I was aching again. Not quite as bad, but it started up again.

Eventually all settled down and I closed my eyes and caught my breath.

The results? Coming down off a virus as I suspected. And my neck had acted up as a result. Maybe the coughing had started something. The Doc's not sure.

What he was sure about was I have severe arthritis in my neck. And I need to have it followed up on. I'm in for years of thrills.

I can add that to my lower back. Ought to make for an adventure.

And it may shorten my career at bedside.

Ohhhh. So that's why I had all those uncomfortable after shift hours. All the lifting and pulling WAS getting to something. ME!

Guess I should have listened to the creaks and groans of dem bones and not dismissed it.

I can be such a dumb ass.

The good news?

Every now and then; getting poke and prodded; especially when it turns out to be difficult; can remind you what the patients you care for go through.

And that can make a person a better nurse.

But it's a hard way to learn.

OnceAgain

Estate Business

It was a good thing I sent a missive to the Lawyer and Realtor last Friday. Guess what? We're closing the house; the old homestead this coming Monday. "They" thought I knew.

I know what that means. Each thought the other had mentioned it.

Uh; noooo.

Surprise. Good thing I decided I needed to do some poking around and see what was going on.

And do ya think I'd have set my Hospital schedule up the way I did if I thought I'd be South at this time of the month?

Nope. Nada. No way.

But; as usual. I'm coping and scheduling and making do.

And here we go, my friends. Off and running. Two more items off the list of things to do after a loved one dies.

We'll close up the storage unit also.

I got off my ass and e-mailed the LAGs and told them; time to pick up the stuff and let's get it over with.

LAG=lower Alabama group. Or as I like to refer to them when I'm in a mood; the jerks.

And I do so want to get as much of this as I can over with. I just want it DONE.

Give them their monies; give them what ever it is they need and go and not have to deal with ever again.

I'll be back in Enterprise; I have children there. History, too. But not the LAGs. I'm so done.

I wish them well. A long and happy life; if it's possible for such folks to find that. But I'm running as soon as I'm free and not looking back.

Well, except to make sure there isn't anything sharp in my back. That would surely have to be plucked out.

And I hope this is the start of the end of the business. And you can bet your sweet bippy; I'll flat be sending regular missives to the Lawyer from now on and until the final day.

After all; I want to close this chapter; not just the house.

OnceAgain

On Hold

I'm sitting here holding. Holding on the phone. And have been; for about an hour. Off and on.
I'm once again trying to clear up some of my late Uncle's Estate business.
Trying.
I'll probably be trying when they lay ME to rest.
Oh; wait. I'm being cremated. If I haven't burnt up from the frustration of handling all this crap.
What the hell ever happened to speaking with a human being? When did it become fashionable to be handed from 1 machine to the next? And why?
We're battling unemployment; high blood pressure and explosive acts of violence.
I'm wondering if we could decrease a bit of all 3 by actually increasing human contact once again.
Think of it. You call to get an answer to a problem; beef about a complaint; work out a solution; etc.
AND you get a person. Someone who's been trained to handle that particular situation. Even if it only means to reduce that particular bill by - say - 10 bucks. At least you feel someone listened to you and took some kind of action. Someone acknowledged the fact you live and breathe.
You know; someone actually gave a Tinker's damn.
Maybe they just sat and listened to you spout.
Sometimes that's all you want.
Sometimes that's all you need.
So we increase the employment by putting people to work handling the phones and tackling all these issues. They problem solve and listen and they contribute back to society because they have a paycheck again. Woohoo! What a concept!
Blood pressures are lowered because both people on the ends of the phone have some of their issues resolved. The callers get someone to answer the damn phones and the worker bees now have income.
Oh; and permission to hang-up on jerks.
That's gotta come into play. Have to be fair here.
Violence decreases somewhat because if you talk to someone; you don't want to break the frickin' machine in frustration. Trust me. TRUST me.
I am so so so so so sick of being on hold trying to get someone to talk to me.
And when I get them after 6 eons? It takes 3 minutes to clear things up. All that time wasted for 3-6 frickin' minutes.
But I have to have a paper trail and names and notations to make sure I cover myself AND I have to make sure I AM doing this correctly.
I answer to 8 people on this.
Plus; She-Who-Bore-Me and her Brother are being such shits about all this; I slip up and I'm doomed.
So I trip the light fantastic and tread my tight rope so very carefully.
And all in all; I hang on.
I just keep hanging on.
OnceAgain

How Long?

Wow. How long has it been since I've posted? Months? Probably. I've been writing for sure. Fired off some doozeys. Maybe I should just do cut and pastes. These would have burnt up the pages. But, I didn't think of that at the time. I just had to do these "jobs" - yes, let's call them that - and get on with things.
And so I did.
Get on.
I've been pretty much hanging on by my fingernails some days.
How do people that post do this everyday? When do they find the flippin' time? I, mean, this takes a while. And even if you have something to write about; you have to compose the words in your head before you can put your fingers to the keyboard.
Don't you?
So, I haven't posted here. Just fired volley after volley of rhetoric at some relatives to keep them at bay and handled some business that has turned my world on its tail.
Such fun.
I can back the relatives up and make them run for the hills. Don't try to beat me in a word battle. Well, not if I've time to compose my answers and write them. Verbally; you stand a chance. My acid may not be fatal. Written; it will scour the flesh from your bones.
Business is tougher. You have to temper yourself. Being an ass can do more harm than good. So how to stand your ground; not be victimized; right the wrongs and keep the faith is tough. Luckily; if you write; you can cool your jets and think things thru.
I tend to want to write my way out of my dilemmas. It's a tad safer. For all involved; actually.
So writing is a catharsis. It really is. Wipes everything away. Or not. You have it saved to a file or placed in a folder for safekeeping in case you have to pull it back up for the lawyers. And the whatevers
They require you to do that you know. Bring in the hard copies. Don't want to do that work of "looking" for anything themselves. Lazy bums, they are, they are.
I should know; I'm working with 2 now. 1 for the Estate; 1 for my case.
And there's my jobs. Still with the hospital PRN; still with the school Mondays and Wednesdays.
Still a wife, Skip's hanging in there. Still have the 10 grandest kids.
And the house is still undone. Little things to be unsure; but undone. Contractors. Right now; not my favorite people. But we only lived in the RV; in the driveway; for 6 weeks.
Think of the adventure.
And I learned a lot those weeks. About a lot of things.
So I guess, I need to get back to this blogging as it soothes me. And I know that I'm only 1 of a few readers. Not a problem. I write for the therapy. Getting it out keeps me from festering within. And hopefully things will settle down so I won't have to fire off to others.
Maybe all I'll be doing is adding a note in here.
Oh, my. That would mean that my life was settling down. I actually would be taking time for ME!
Oh, what a concept.
Time to do something I haven't done in months.
Nothing.
OnceAgain

Camping in the Driveway?!

It's a good thing that Skip bought the Class A. Oh, I know I fussed about losing my Travel Trailer and went on and on about it. But, we couldn't get it up the driveway. And Terra - name for the new RV - fits OK.
And Skip has learned t0 back it in just fine since that little incident with the guttering on the garage.
But, back to the present, we are now living in the damn thing. And have been for a week and a half. We have been having the house redone.
It's all Skip's fault. HE'S the one that started it all. HE'S the one that had the old porch taken down and a new one built.
Then we got the idea that we'd get proper flooring put in the house and get rid of that old, OLD carpet. Especially upstairs - YE-UCK. And tile in the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room.
Oh, and while we were at that, let's get the master bathroom upped a little. It's a disaster from the get go.
Aaaannnndddd the little half bath get it finished and tidied up, too.
It would have gone well. It would have.
But, the foreman pulled his back. And while he was having panic attacks in the MRI; his 2nd in command decided to get things "a go in."
And so he did.
So he tore into the house and off he went.
I came home from my 36 hr. work stretch and walked into a war zone. Skip was out of town and due in later that day. I was cringing. Hoo boy wait until he sees this.
Our 2 nights in the RV was gonna stretch out big time.
Flooring was started up and downstairs; furniture was jammed and moved everywhere; no toilets connected and the showers were unfauceted. Whoop-pit-ti-do! Life in the construction lane.
Nice kid; means well; no master plan.
And here we are. Last weekend was Memorial Day weekend. We drove our "home" over to a campsite south of Atlanta and stayed their Saturday and Sunday. We sorta got away. At least we had proper hookups. And we needed to decompress a little.
Just needed to not look at all the "stuff."
We came back to the "team" hard at it on Monday. I walked in looked around and walked out. I just didn't want to deal with it. I had to get an exam ready for my class and that was that for me.
Skip went down to the I & O (sports bar) to meet some friends and watch NASCAR. I typed and worked.
After the gang left the house; I went in and squeezed and scrawled and got my little printer and paper and printed out my exams. Worked the answer key out, too.
For today, I've got a uniform for tonight; briefcase ready for school, and getting ready for a nap so I can overnight and then teach in the morning.
I'm in Terra and there's rain on the roof to pitty pat me to sleep.
Now if the work crew will just get things cleared up; all will be well. I guess in the meantime; I'll just camp out here and wait.
OnceAgain

Cheaters lack Vision

Well; the students got a glimpse of me today they weren't expecting. Aaaannnnddddd; probably didn't want to see.
Happy Monday morning, luvs.
I love teaching; not instructing; teaching. I want my students to learn. Not memorize, but take the material and tuck it away so that it becomes useful, workable part of them.
Workable being the operative word. I'd like to prepare them for employment; for a career. And so I trudge along; pulling and tugging and yanking and fussing and yammering and picking.
For the most part; they claim to enjoy the class time. And there are some giggles. Especially on Wednesdays. Ah, the mornings after I've pulled a 12 hr. night shift and then bounced into the classroom to teach classes until noon.
For the most part; we go thru at warp speed and get to it. A stumble or 2, but there you are.
And for the most part; they are good, good kids. For the most part.
Today .... they got a good scolding. That they weren't prepared for and were surprised by and wound up being a bit afraid of.
Sorry about that bad English stuff.
On no uncertain terms; the law went down. The tattle tellers had blown some covers. Oops. We defined the parameters, the boundaries, and the rules.
Oh, and the consequences if all was not followed.
They didn't care for that part. Not a bit; not one bit. But part of being an adult means acting like one and there you are. Gotta grow up and gotta abide by the rules and all that ... stuff.
It sucks man; just sucks.
You could tell the culprits right away. I pretty much had my 'spitions. There are always those tell-tell signs, the tattle-tellers had confirmed it and the nervous twitching gave it away.
They knew they'd been made.
2, I busted outright. Ohmigod. It didn't get ugly, but it got serious. Oh, we were definitely business. Strictly business.
That they had never seen me like "this" was daunting for them.
Oh; well.
Some times ya just gotta shake it up.
So let's see how this goes. There's a new girl in town. And she insists that her people have integrity. Be honest. Follow the rules.
Or they can take their take-home-exams that they slogged thru in 4-5 hours and learn from; in 30-45 minutes in class. Oh, it will still be open book; but I defy them to do as well.
And they know; they'll sink like a rock. Not just grade wise; but that they won't learn as well. They know that they are learning; actually learning from my methodology.
Even my star pupil, said the fastest time he's logged has been 2 1/2 hours.
I woke them up this morning. Didn't even need coffee to do it.
Tough.
Open your eyes kids and look around. See things the way they really are; the world isn't for corner cutters and losers.
The world is for those with vision and ability.
Those that can see their way forward and follow the path.
OnceAgain

Wills

It's been a while. A long while since I've had time to post. Sorry about that. There's just been so very much going on. And on.
How many jobs do I have now? 3? 4? Hell; I've lost frickin' count. Not that it matters. I've not been doing any of them at my usual 110%.
'Tis hard to give anything your all; when you're so tired all the time.
Good news? I'm into my size 4 jeans again.
Bad news? I wasn't on a diet to get down a size or 2 to get into them.
Stress will do that to ya; beat the livin' day lights outa ya and turn your insides out.
Did I mention the hair loss I've been experiencing? Yep; got that, too.
Not in handfuls or anything, just noticing that I'm shedding more than the damn cat. Charley's a jealous boy. And when the Himalayan's getting green with envy because you leave more fur behind on the couch than him...well, my word; life has turned a bit on its head.
This Estate business is getting out of hand. And I'm damn tired of it. Damn tired. Executor stands for "You-are-constantly-gonna-have-to-deal-with-idiots."
Not the "Boys," not my cousins. They've been wonderful. Very supportive and cooperative. Love 'em to pieces. They've helped me keep what sanity I've been able to cling, too.
Ah, but the 2 villains in this Southern Family Gothic. Mumsie and Uncle Dear. Oh; THEM. Whatever I did to be cursed with those 2; please; I'm sorry and I beg forgiveness. Tell me and I swear, I'll never do it again.
They are liars and crooks and hypocrites.
Nothing like having someone throw Biblical phrases, etc., at you when they're blantantly flaunting their advirace; coveting; and good-old-fashioned-greed.
Gotta just sit back and love that one.
They've even gone so far as to harrass Daddy to try and get me to hand over the cash. Had to put number blocks on his phone.
Uncle Dear was just an ass about it. Ask him to stop the calling and he called the same night, the same night.
And this is the same man who always says," you have a blessed day." when you meets or leaves your presence."
Total hypocrite. Total.
And that just bites. Raises my naturally low blood pressure, too. This from the dude that was there to help hoist a Bible at me.
And so here we are. Trudging our way thru this squalid trench. That's the only way I know to describe it. The trench of death and all that goes with it.
Don't die; the hell with the pretty term of passing or some such; without a specific WILL. Just for the ones you leave behind.
Look at this way; you won't care. They will. W-I-L-L. It'll give them time to mourn you properly. It will give them TIME.
And maybe; you can help some of those behinders make less of an ass of themselves as they stay close to God.
Or make it less work for them at any rate.
Praise the Lord.
OnceAgain

Me Time

Its sunny again. THANK goodness. After yesterday; and the day before; well; I thought that was that. We'd definitely broken the drought and we'd definitely have wet feet (along with every frickin' thing else) for the rest of our stay here in sunny south Florida.
But the sun came out to play this morning and she's stayed.
Yip - ee!
Now if the damn wind would die down it'd be perfect; but alas; one can't always have everything.
AND I finally got it through the old man's head that I just wanted a little "me" time.
Wasn't going to run away. Wasn't going to do anything nefarious. Wasn't going to go off and spend all his money. Just wanted to sit in the relative quiet of my own company and .... do nothing.
OK, well read the paper; clean up my e-mail; sit; get up and put some hooks up in the new RV; putter around and do whatever struck my fancy; and just hum around as I pleased.
That kind of me time. Doin' what I wanted to do or NOT do when I wanted to do or NOT do it me time.
THAT kinda time.
I don't get that when we go places. Usually.
This time I put my foot down.
Don't get me wrong. I love, love, love my Grandest kids and their parents. Love seeing their other grandparents. Love going around to the baseball games and all the goings on, etc. But at some point; I just want to stop and just stop.
Isn't that what vacations and getting away from it all stuff is about? Isn't that what you are supposed to do when you "chill?"
What ever happened to coming home tanned and rested?
OK; OK; I know I won't be doing the tan thing unless its from a spray gun; but can't I be rested for God's sake?
I mean come on people! I work 2 jobs and I'm doin' this Estate thing that "she who bore me" is givin' me fits over. Why can't I put my feet up and catch my breath here and take a minute; or 2; or what the hell; 180.
So I ask for this Sunday.
And after a little too much pushing, Mr. always-has-something-planned-and-things-to-do pushed that one inch too far. And I expressed myself in those terms that only I can.
Finally he got the message. Oh, she wants to stay at the RV without me, or the kids, or even the Grandest kids and just be.
Yes. I just want to be.
Dumb butt.
And even then he wanted me to drive him over to the ball park and leave him with friends so I "could have a car." I told him no.
Well, that was the gist. It was growled. Maybe snarled. But it was a definite negative.
He took the car and drove himself.
I do hope he's enjoying his baseball game. And I hope the Cardinals are winning. It's Spring Training here in Jupiter, FL. They're playing the Orioles today. And I'm not there.
I'm here. At my RV. I'm puttering and putering and doing what I darn well please when I please. The sun is warm, the wind a bit cool. But my oh my, not one person is here to rain on my parade.
OnceAgain

Patience

I'm not the most patient of people. Really. Friends can vouch for me on this one. So can my girls.
And now this is the 2nd Monday that I've had to sit in a waiting room and cool my jets why the old man's had a "procedure."
Thank you, Tracey.
Need to smack that young lady.
Not literally, of course.
She did it. Got her Dad to have a physical after all these years.
It was what she wanted for Christmas.
I gave up years ago. It was the cause of way too many problems and consternation in our relationship. Way too much.
Oh, say it. We had a couple of good fights. And a little yelling.
It was early in our relationship. Very early.
You know those days. When the 2 of you are still circling each other and defining your territories and deciding who is willing to give how much to the other. Who is willing to cede how much power over the other.
The stupid years.
The years before you realize that if you don't love someone as they basically are as a person; you'd better just haul ass outa there because you really don't belong together in the 1st place.
It took me a while in this life to realize that people are only able to love you as much as they are able to love you. Period.
And that doesn't mean I'm wise beyond the wise. It just means I've accepted the dude for who he happens to be.
And I get up and walk away when he acts like the jackass he can be. I don't fight and scream.
It just isn't worth it to get into a maelstrom. Why should I act like a fool and lower my standards just to meet someone else's expectations?
And then, when things have calmed down, I'm willing to talk. But, if you get loud again? We go back to the freeze zone.
And I can be VERY icy.
Actually seems to work better than the old fighting.
Men hate to be ignored. So do most women.
This doesn't mean I won't go to war for what is right vs. what is wrong; it just means I don't waste my precious energy on minuscule nothings.
And now I'm in the freeze zone for another reason. This waiting room is damn cold. And the old man is having a procedure to see if those outstandingly elevated PSA's mean a cancer is lurking in his nether regions.
And I will have to be patient even after this event is finished while they "cook" the biopsies.
Wonderful. I have something else to look patiently forward too.
Not.
OnceAgain

Meanderings

It's been a long while since I've had a moment to sit and write a note.
My days and nights have been filled with other notes and letters.
Filling out paperwork for my late Uncle's estate; typing up papers for the classes at the little College where I'm teaching; writing a letter of resignation to one Hospital and filling out all the paperwork for the new one where I accepted a position.
I told Skipster, I had 4 jobs for about 18 hours at one point. He didn't laugh. Come to think of it; I didn't chuckle either.
I was too frickin' tired.
And all the while, I've been trying to have some sort of home life.
Uhhhh, yeah, right. Believe that one, will ya.
Not happenin'.
I generally am lunging from one place to the next, hoping I don't over shoot the runway and crash into the end fence and wreck what's left of this old bird.
That's me. Picture an old WWI bi wing spiralling out of control, then at the last minute, I usually pull the joy stick back, kick the rudders over, some how pull out of the dive and just pull her over the edge of the precipice.
Nose up and back into the blue. Head for the sun. Until the next clouds appear on the horizon.
This is going to ruin my dye jobs. They are just NOT going to last like they should. And that's gonna really kill my budget.
But, I have made some progress.
I have a little office set up in the upstairs, northwest bedroom. Quite professional, too. Now all I need is an electric kettle and I are set; as they say.
I do hate trotting up and down the stairs to get my tea and coffee. I have the TV and radio/CD player connected to surround sound so all I need is the caffeine. Man, I'm setting myself up, I'm telling you.
Of course, I hardly ever have the TV on when I'm working. Too distracting. But, some good music in the background..... It's lift off Huston. I can go for hours.
And I have the prerequisite exercise equipment. The gazelle. Love it. I like to go and go with no stopping. Well, except that I get sore. And tired. And I'm terribly out of shape.
I'd give my eye teeth if my body would stop when I did.
Jello. It's come to that at this stage of my life.
Ick.
If I could get 20, 000 or so dollars..... Oh, wait there's the pain factor. I think I'll just keep covered up. That's ever so much more comfortable. Yeah, that's the ticket. I'm game for that one.
So as you might have noticed; it's a rambling night. I've just jumped from one subject to the next. No rhyme or reason.
I warned you this could happen. Comes with the exhaustion factor. What can I say.
Enter at your own risk?
Maybe.
But it was nice to type and not care why, after a long wait.
OnceAgain

Francis

This was written by my Grandmother after the death of her first child.
I found it when I was clearing the home where she lived the last half of her life. The paper is so old and faded, the words are soon to be lost. And they are so poignant and sweetly written. They render the heart with their pain.
So, I share them as written. I hope they will be warmly received and treasured.

In loving memory of little Melba Francis Baker
Born June 24, 1917 Died May 16, 1917
I miss you darling baby at twilight,
When darking shadows fall,
I miss you my baby at evening,
When God bids us draw near him.
For my dreams of you, my baby,
come not with the glare of day.
They come with the twilight's soft glow.
And the setting sun's last ray.
I want you, my darling baby at twilight,
When the night flower wants the dew.
When the night clouds want the starlight.
Darling baby, Mother wants you.
And some day darling baby,
Just at twilight's soft hour
When tired of the world I'll be.
I'll leave the ideal and the real,
My darling baby, I'll go to you.

Lota Carr Baker
Born November 19, 1897 Died February 12, 1973 as the sun set surrounded by her husband of 58 years, her children and grandchildren.
OnceAgain

Uncle William

I've spent the 2nd of two weekends essentially, for all intents and purposes, destroying the life, of a man, I dearly and truly loved.
And why would I do this?
Because I had, too.
He's gone. Left. This world anyway.
A short recap.
My sister phoned me just as I was walking out the door for Shift, ( I pull 12 hrs. at a time at my Hospital), to inform me of Uncle William's passing.
He had died that morning at my old Hospital. Of a stroke I would later learn. And, I would also learn, he'd been ill for 3 days.
Not one call, not one notification. Nada. Nothing.
Just the call to let me know, "he's dead."
Well, there you are. What do you say?
For me. There was stunned silence. My Uncle William was supposed to live forever. I had it planned. All neatly and quietly drawn out.
Had to go and spoil it did-in-cha?
Thanks alot.
And I'd just scored that teaching job. The one that was just going to make you so proud and knock your socks off.
Fink.
Instead, I had to drive into work, snuffling and trying to hold it together and act like a grown up. Then dash into Huntsville after Shift and teach until noon.
Then it was home and hit the shower and fall apart. Shatter like glass into a kazillion pieces. All the while, telling myself it was just a bad dream and when I woke up, boy, were we gonna have a conversation about THIS one.
Then I called my Girls to tell them. Kel my oldest went on the net to get the details of the Funeral arrangements so I could arrange to attend.
No contact from the Family again.
Friday at 1100 a call demanding I come down and sign papers so the Family could, "write checks for expenses."
Hmmmmm. Yep, I'll get right on that. You who never call unless you need something and haven't let me know anything about anything? Ssssuuuurrrreeee. Jumping up and running on it wrat neeooowww.
Turns out I'm the Executor. And the Family isn't too happy about it.
It's been along 3 weeks since January 21. Long time. Gotten ugly a few times, too. I've found out about greed and featherless vultures. How people that quote the Bible to you, forget that 'coveting," is in and of itself a sin. Big one, if I recall correctly.
And I've been made responsible for tiding up the long life of a dear, honorable man who would be devastated over some of the actions of these idiots we have to label, "relations."
The 1st weekend I slogged my way through the kitchen. It was ... a disaster. Let's leave it at that. Although I can not understand for the life of me how the neighbors could always help him and I could help him when I was down visiting, the sister and brother that live in the same area couldn't help him.
This 2nd weekend, my husband came with me and we went through the rest of the home. Sweeping and dusting and throwing out and sorting.
So much. So very much.
And heart breaking.
The mice had gotten into everything. Yeah, hadn't mentioned them until now. They'd had the run of the place and taken over. You couldn't move without seeing evidence of their existence; of their traces; of their having been across a surface.
And apparently his eyesight failing as it had been, he only had one eye to begin with, well, there you are. He'd lived in this ... mess, this absolute state of filth.
It had not been so the last I'd been in the home. But, it had come to this. And no one had intervened.
And so today, the last day, I finished with my task. I threw out more than a lifetime's mementos and keepsakes. They were ruined. Some chewed, some just so ... degraded.
What I could save, I did. But how heart breaking to see the elementary grades earned, now to a trash container, of a life I loved. And for him, they were so much a trophy. But, chewed and ruined, only handled with gloves.
I cried into my mask until I couldn't see.
It was the same throughout the home. Pick and choose and do what you could. Feel your heart crack, take a break, wipe your tears, blow your nose and then back to work.
Last weekend was easier. Then it was just grit and dirt and mold. Last weekend was elbows and aches. This weekend was hearts and rends.
And the Hell of it? The house will probably be razed. The home where nephews and nieces raced about playing under the pines. Where the Clan gathered for Grandmother's Sunday dinners and Thanksgiving feasts. Where Christmas trees were shiny aluminum with a color wheel and blue ornaments.
It was the house he built for his parents. The house he sacrificed everything for, so that they would be secure and have a haven. Everything in his life was always about another.
Today, I took the 1st steps in its destruction.
And I could feel him there. I could remember the times, from way back until more recent times.
The weight was heavy and oppressive. Not blame, that wasn't his style, his way. Just that terrible sadness. All those years and now this. Was it worth it?
Yes. Oh, yes.
If I did anything, I tried to convey anyway I could, that any of my childhood memories that were good, they stemmed from that place, the one he created.
Without that home there were many times, I wouldn't have had one.
And that's the reality of it all. That good, good man who gave so much to so many and ask for so little probably saved my life during my maternal parent's crazy years and provided a haven.
He was always providing a haven for one of us lost lambs.
And now by writing this, I can pull it together. The house was just the shell. He was the haven.
And maybe as I picked and sorted and tossed and chose; I wasn't crying so much for him; than as for me.

100MPH

OMG! Has it been that long since I posted?
Yep. I've been running 100mph+ and going in a straight line missing the curves or last the very least taking them on 2 wheels. I'm the maniac behind you on the Freeway of Life.
Lord help you guys as I bust a gut. I hope you don't have to hit the brakes or I'm in your trunk and you're stuck with me.
Sorry. We'll just get the apology out of the way ahead of time.
Don't worry; I'm heavily insured.
Let's see - the day that I was "Viewed" and pronounced AOK by Doc D from my Face Fry. The Baby girl got in trouble with her heart. So I left his Office and sprinted South to be wit Her. I won't go into details because of privacy issues. And....She'd kill me, but I was frantic; no; terrified; maybe beyond that; and tried to hide it by being my sarcastic witty self and stepped in doodoo. But I think it's worked out now.
Except that I could destroy THAT hospital without looking back without a glance. Lousy, lousy, lousy. Doctor did OK. Not my cup of tea, but competent if you can get past the 1st little issue. I thought they might run a test with some Lab values that indicated they should NOT. But all's well that end's well and I'm a happy camper with that.
Then it was back to work and off and running with that. And I do mean running. I was sprinting. All the while dealing with the residue doodoo issues and feeling the drag of that. It eats at you to have a child not on your "side."
And the dash down to Tallahassee to see Brother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law over the New Year. They are the best. Get you back together from the bits of broken pieces that have become YOU.
Was still feeling frantic. Worried about that Baby Girl. What was she doing, taking her meds, were the meds making her feel bad; were the side effects causing problems, etc.?
And guilt. Not sure why about that one; but one of my friends said that parents always blame themselves when their kids get sick. It must be something they have done. Otherwise the children would always be perfect and just coast through life.
And back home to work Work is going strong. My Hospital is finally filling back up with patients. So our shifts are busy and we are exhausted when Shift is over. Dragging, really. Two of us for eight complicated, ill, ill total care patients with many, many needs. But 'ya do what 'ya gotta do. And you darn well, do it to the best of you're abilities. These people are depending on you. Their lives are depending on you. Literally.
Actually it was back home for more work. No, really more work. I got an offer to teach. Adults. At a College. Technical type. The type of students sitting where I was about 15 years ago. And I accepted.
And I am terrified and I am elated. The responsibility is huge. The chance to give BACK is awesome.
So I work nights in a Hospital and mornings, I'll teach two classes.
I may have blank spots in my postings; it's because the Internet isn't the center of my life. Although I do enjoy Posting, but.....
People are what this old Girl is all about. Living, breathing entities with all these complications that are giving me a run for my money.
Lord, don't let me screw this up and wreck.
OnceAgain